A Compelling Why

I have resigned from my job 6 weeks ago. Everyday I sit in front of my Mac typing away, surfing, pondering.

I resigned because I said I wanted to work in Singapore by Feb. 2011.
I resigned because I said I wanted to finish my graphics design school project.
I resigned because I said I wanted to de-clutter and organize my e-files.

What have I accomplished so far?

I have since then taken up seminars and workshops on topics for which I am not sure if I have immediate need for.

Finished 5 counseling sessions with a professional counselor. I felt better since then. But I can't quantify it.
Took up HALE on forgiveness but have not yet mustered the courage to confront my boss. I promised to meet up with her this month.
Took up Shadow Power on embracing my dark side and recognizing the gifts behind them.
Took up Akashic Reading Advanced Class but have not mustered the courage to practice readings with my peers. I still fear being judged by people who are not aware that I have spiritually evolved. Have I?
Attended the Christmas Recollection module by Ms. HHH and learned about AFFORMATIONS vs. AFFIRMATIONS. I'm gonna have to try out the former. The latter has not worked too well for me because of my natural tendency to invalidate.

I've started 2 out of 4 mentoring sessions from a speechwriter mentor but have not found the motivation to finish up the remaining pre-paid sessions because my intent wasn't so clear. I wasn't clear with what kind of help I would like to get from the mentor.

Somebody offered me to take me in as a mock English language student to test out her 10-hour coaching module. So far it has been running well. I am learning something new. I just hope that I can give her an equivalent amount of energy exchange.

I postponed a potential web and graphics design mentoring opportunity with a professional web developer friend because of the tight timeline that he gave for producing the output. I totally abandoned it though I did write a letter to him that I intend to finish my graphics assignments first, which I haven't to this date.

I am waiting for something to happen. What is it that I'm waiting for?

My savings are getting depleted fast and I know I have to replenish it soon. But why am I not moving at all? What am I waiting for?

Suddenly the WHY of what I've declared to the world is not so clear. I would like to ask myself once again. Why, indeed?