IT IS WRITTEN.

So I'm back!

I'm supposed to update the contents of a certain website but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to update my action plans and milestones for my goals for submission this afternoon but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to update my resume for submission to headhunters and prospect companies but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to prepare for my BSP10 graduation speech for next week but I couldn't start. (I've procrastinated this task for 2 months.)

Why couldn't I start? Because I have so many things on my mind. I'm bothered. Very bothered.

Last week was crazy. I had to come up with a decision whether or not to stay in my sales & marketing job and lead a sales team as part of my responsibilities. It has been 3 months. Along the way, I have picked up some skills in sales, presentation, and business in a very flexible work environment. And I was lucky enough to have competent and understanding bosses who could read through me and had mentored me to grow and learn.

Basically, I couldn't commit to doing that job because I knew that sales isn't my passion. I can do it for the sake of doing and can become good at it in due time, but I need a more intrinsic motivation. I had begun to like the job and enjoy the simplicity of the work environment but then I knew I wouldn't stay long because I knew deep inside that this isn't the field where I feel I would excel in.

So there you go. I wanted to be in a field where I would excel in. And I would excel in it because I know it is my passion. My passion is in educating people and transforming lives. I have this burning need to express myself, express my full potential. Everytime I do something that's not aligned to my values, I feel small.

Somewhere in between deciding whether to pursue my coaching accreditation and whether to stay in the retail company or not, somehow the answer came to me. I chose coaching.

Last week, I got nominated to be club president for the next term July 2009 to June 2010. The idea of assuming a top position scares the hell out of me. I've always avoided occupying a lead post. I'm perfectly okay to assume a 2nd in line position because it's safe. I don't like my making big decisions and I can always defer the final decision to the top person. I know there are 2 other more qualified persons in the club who could take on the leadership role but the other one had to relocate due to a career change, the other way has priorities with the family. And me, I don't have a career, nor do I have a family to raise. So what does that leave me?

Though I didn't want to admit it, I know that deep within me I wanted to accept this challenge because I felt that the universe has somehow laid out this opportunity to me. IT IS WRITTEN. I have ideas on how to make the club work but I'll need the support of my predecessors and my current team of officers. I have to maintain a positive, optimistic disposition. I have my inner battles to fight with. I have my weaknesses to overcome and I have my strengths waiting to shine and unleash its power. By accepting the responsibility to lead an organization that supports communication and leadership development, I am living my values. I am doing something that is aligned to my purpose.

So be it.