ZeaLite for Creative Living

Quality of life and ways of being

2011-12-30T06:56:00.004+08:00

11.20.11, a special Sunday, marked the wedding day of my sister. It also marked the 6th birthday of my twin nieces.

Because I chose to not work during this period, my life learnings got accelerated (my finances were at a standstill during this period, but that is another story).

My father-side relatives from HK came over a few days before and left a few days after, to witness the special occasion, assist in the preparations, and just be with our family. Some came over for 3 days (Sat-Mon), some 4 (Sat-Tue), and some 7 days (Thu-Wed). Interacting and conversing with them led me to reassess which aspects of our lives, our household, and myself work and which do not. It was like taking classes about life. They were our teachers.

In Nov. 2004, I joined a weeklong leadership seminar program where I declared that my legacy to the world is "to improve of quality of my life and of the people around me". Now who are "the people around me"? They are my immediate family members - my mom and my siblings. What is "quality of life"? It's a better way of living. It's about living at the optimum condition, environment, with people I like and love, or choose to like or love. There are so many things that we have been tolerating at home, in the family business, and in how we do things. Because they ain't totally broke, we ain't gonna fix them! But these systems, things, people have been dragging us down and causing us to lose precious time and now it has to take an outside party to point out what we have missed. I am grateful that they came over, that my sister's getting married triggered and will continue to trigger a lot of household improvements and transformation.

I shall list down my insights so that I may savor and reminisce them in the years to come:

1. Brushing up of Mandarin-speaking skills. - Since Mandarin was our primary common language of communication with my relatives, next to Fukien and English and we wanted to get our message across, we had to use that. This forced us to re-awaken our rather dormant Mandarin speaking, listening, and comprehension skills, which was a good thing. Very good thing.

2. Marketing of raw ingredients (crabs, prawns, fish, pork ribs, lean meat, pig kidneys, corn starch, soy sauce, veggies). - I learned where to buy these items, how to check the quality, and how to haggle for a price.

3. Cooking and preparing dishes.

4. Choosing a life partner. - Look at a higher perspective. See the bigger picture. There's no right or wrong, just varying perspectives. The life partner candidate need not have similar preferences or likes are I do. We just need to learn to respect each other's hobbies and interests, give space and provide encouragement. Character and getting along are of utmost importance. The partner must be forward-looking (has ambitions in life, knows how to plan for the future). The strength of the husband covers for the weakness of the wife and vice versa. Because of the differences, they got to appreciate each other for what they have in front of them.

5. Getting reacquainted with the Philippines, Metro Manila, the transportation and communication system, government policies, and the like. - Because of the inquisitive nature of my relatives, they would frequently (but not in an irritating manner) ask why this, why that, why not this, why not that? This would trigger the thought process of me and my brother as we strive to produce an answer or give our best guess, or air out our personal opinions. Note that we don't frequently do the latter. We normally take things for granted.

6. Learning about certain family trivia / history. For instance, the meaning of embossed characters by the wall posts at our grandparents' tombstones.

7. Awareness of equipment/appliances that are not working at optimum performance - e.g. TV at living room (color hue unstable, casting a greenish glow), gas stove with small fire at the burners, gas oven that is not connected to the gas supply (because computer items of my bro are sitting on stop of it).
* Cousin WY actually bought a brand new LED TV to replace the decade-long CRT TV as surprise gift for our family. I was so surprised when I saw the delivery guy assemble a new unit in our living room. When I learned where it came front, I was so touched that tears fell from my eyes. That was how much they wanted to help improve the quality of our TV viewing. They do not just talk and give feedback about what things do not work, what the possible solutions are -- they actually went ahead and took concrete steps to execute the solution.

8. Being. - I learned what it's like to just be. Because my finances are limited, my capability to treat them to fine dining or other luxurious, pampering activities were also limited. The most I could offer was my time and skills -- driving my cousins, uncle and aunts to certain malls and shopping areas near and far, or sometimes go by foot to the nearby mall for buy grocery items for pasalubong. I buy them cute gifts as souvenir. I enjoyed the mini-conversations with my aunt and cousin while doing the seemingly mundane things -- such as while crossing the street, shopping for items in the supermarket, and enjoying halo-halo in a fastfood resto.

9. Health - Walk 10,000 steps everyday. Invest in a pedometer. Get formal taichi lessons and the like at least once a day and practice on your own everyday. Our roofdeck is a perfect venue for doing such exercises early in the morning because it is spacious and can afford us fresh air. I was asked to value my health and not throw it away just because I had more "illnesses" and discomforts than most of my siblings or peers (to my knowledge). Get a 2nd opinion.

10. Choice of household help. - Choose proactive ones.

11. Incentive (carrot and stick) - Carrot approach. To encourage me to shed off my excess pounds, my uncle told me he will sponsor my trip to HK, all expenses paid, by March 2012. So, I have from end of November to Feb. 2012 to achieve 130 lbs. from 145 lbs. Smart of him. I do miss going to HK.

12. Being a good citizen of the world, protecting our environment, loving Mother Nature. - At the cemetery, they would make it a point not to leave trash lying around. When we used a giant banana leaf to partially cover the paper money being burned in the open area behind a grand uncle's tombstone and the leaf got burned in the process, the uncle and cousin made it a point to fan out the fire so that we don't start a forest fire.

13. Proper etiquette and behavior. - To leave the manly works to the gentleman.

My uncle, aunt, and cousin taught us how to live life, how to be street-savvy, how to be cautious, how to protect ourselves, and how to be a good citizen. They taught us the value of addressing our tolerations. I had to study coaching to understand all these concepts. They lived it.

Our quality of our family relationship and our knowledge on quality living were enriched because of our 1-week interaction with them and with the wedding preparations for my sister starting half a year ago. I am eternally grateful for this experience.

- written on 11.22.11

Insights from JPT

2011-12-30T06:33:00.001+08:00

5 Ways to Address a Problem

1. We are now attacking the problem-initiating action!

2. Fleeing - run away

3. Avoiding - keeping away

4. Neglecting - not paying attention (an old favorite)

5. Succumbing - yielding, justifying (hehe)

-- SMS from JPT 03.08.11

Personal Values & Integrity

If you are honest with yourself and with others, you can't help but do well in life. A relationship exists between your own self-respect -- how you look at your personal values -- & how successful you are. A person who is honest, outspoken and respects himself will get more done and accomplish his goals far easier thank someone who is dishonest, introverted and withdrawn. - L. Ron Hubbard

-- SMS from JPT 02.28.11

My birthday wishlist for 2011

2011-02-01T09:07:00.000+08:00

I would like to wish for material treats this year, a day before I turn 33, because I deserve to have them.

A colored inkjet printer with built-in scanner.
Sponsorship to Egypt on 10.30.11 to 11.12.11.
Time to create, cook, and bake. Make ref cakes for starters.
A new pair of closed shoes.
A pair of Havaianas slippers.
Full body and foot massage every two months.
An Apple iPhone 4.
A new pair of dark jeans.
A new pair of black office trousers.
A new special occasion night gown. Large (not XL).
Mutual funds investment show money.
New blouses.
Quarterly hair spa treatment.

Becoming a Creativity Coach

2011-01-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

I just finished doing my vision board yesterday and had them happily hosted on my bedroom wall. Two whole sheets of cartolina-sized brown craft paper. Took me 2 days to finish them.

I'd like to talk about the career aspect. I put in corporate life coach, creativity coach, and creative writer.   The common denominator being creativity coach.

What does mean for me to be a creativity coach?   Why do I want to be that? What will it take for me to become that? What can I do now?

Q1: What does it mean for me to be a creativity coach?
A1: It means that one, I am creative, and two, I am a coach. By being creative, it means I create life in accordance to my design.   I design how I'm going to live, how I'm going to make a living, who I'm going to be with, and so on. Key word is design. By being a coach, it means I have earned my right to coach people to design the life that they want, because I have been able to design the life that I wanted. Creativity is about creating beauty, expressing one's inner thoughts and ideas, and communicating the message clearly. Coaching is about enhancing life. It's about going for a healthier, happier option.

Q2: Why do I want to be that, a creativity coach?
A2: Because I want to embody creativity, for it is within me, waiting for me to unleash it.   I have a message to communicate to the world. The best way for me to communicate it is to live it. I want people to discover this aspect of themselves too.   To be authentic.

Q3: What will it take for me to become that?
A3: For one, I will have to experience creative living. What is creative living? It is being independent, making the most of my resources, and going through each level in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

1. Physiological - Food, clothes, shelter.
2. Security - Safe neighborhood, stable source of income, health insurance coverage.
3. Social - Belongingness. Acceptance and support from family, friends, and community.
4. Esteem - Personal worth, social recognition, accomplishments. Travel.
5. Self-actualization - Spirituality. High level of self-awareness. Commitment to personal growth, fulfilling own's full potential.

Gaining competency in creativity for me means becoming a competent multimedia designer. I'd like to be able to design things of beauty, that which improves the quality of life. Earning more income improves one's quality of life because one can afford to acquire what they need to meet a specific purpose. I'd like to be able to design witty, charming, out-of-this world items that bring cheer to people. I'd like to design curriculum that bring enlightenment to people.

Gaining competency in coaching for me means earning my ICF ACC certification.   Because it means I am competent enough to do coaching as a profession. It also means that I have helped at least 8 people achieve their goals or have higher self-awareness and have gone through at least 100 coaching hours.

When I am competent, I am in a better position to add value to others. I'd like to be of value to myself and to the world.

Q4: What can I do now?
A4: I could go to Singapore and live there for 2 years. Working and saving and sending money home. Practice self-responsibility. I could take up further studies in multimedia design.   I could focus in building my confidence in producing good art by not being afraid to produce. I would have to find a job that would enable me to fund my dreams one at a time.   It will entail faith, fortitude, persistence, and patience.   Lots of patience. And determination.   It would mean uprooting myself from the Philippines, and rooting myself in Singapore.   I will have to build my foundation. I will attract the 8 people who are ready to be coached by me and agree on a healthy form of energy exchange, till I earn my coaching certification. It may take 4-5 years. I will be able to purchase some gadgets and new clothes, upgrade my insurance coverage, start an investment scheme to build my financial foundation.

My friend D asked me to make a choice. In my heart I had wanted to be a real artist.   I have oscillated back and forth between a go-no-go decision of whether to take multimedia design seriously as a career.   I think I have contemplated on it long enough.   I will go for it and there's no turning back.

I will achieve this, by God's grace.

The Right Questions

2010-12-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

I have began to love Debbie Ford's books on shadow work and was fortunate enough to get a dear friend to lend me her copies. I would like to share these powerful questions to keep us aligned to our higher purpose and live our higher selves.

THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life
by Debbie Ford

Q1: Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
Q2: Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
Q3: Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
Q4: Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?
Q5: Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
Q6: Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
Q7: Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?
Q8: Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
Q9: Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
Q10: Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

A Compelling Why

2010-12-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

I have resigned from my job 6 weeks ago. Everyday I sit in front of my Mac typing away, surfing, pondering.

I resigned because I said I wanted to work in Singapore by Feb. 2011.
I resigned because I said I wanted to finish my graphics design school project.
I resigned because I said I wanted to de-clutter and organize my e-files.

What have I accomplished so far?

I have since then taken up seminars and workshops on topics for which I am not sure if I have immediate need for.

Finished 5 counseling sessions with a professional counselor. I felt better since then. But I can't quantify it.
Took up HALE on forgiveness but have not yet mustered the courage to confront my boss. I promised to meet up with her this month.
Took up Shadow Power on embracing my dark side and recognizing the gifts behind them.
Took up Akashic Reading Advanced Class but have not mustered the courage to practice readings with my peers. I still fear being judged by people who are not aware that I have spiritually evolved. Have I?
Attended the Christmas Recollection module by Ms. HHH and learned about AFFORMATIONS vs. AFFIRMATIONS. I'm gonna have to try out the former. The latter has not worked too well for me because of my natural tendency to invalidate.

I've started 2 out of 4 mentoring sessions from a speechwriter mentor but have not found the motivation to finish up the remaining pre-paid sessions because my intent wasn't so clear. I wasn't clear with what kind of help I would like to get from the mentor.

Somebody offered me to take me in as a mock English language student to test out her 10-hour coaching module. So far it has been running well. I am learning something new. I just hope that I can give her an equivalent amount of energy exchange.

I postponed a potential web and graphics design mentoring opportunity with a professional web developer friend because of the tight timeline that he gave for producing the output. I totally abandoned it though I did write a letter to him that I intend to finish my graphics assignments first, which I haven't to this date.

I am waiting for something to happen. What is it that I'm waiting for?

My savings are getting depleted fast and I know I have to replenish it soon. But why am I not moving at all? What am I waiting for?

Suddenly the WHY of what I've declared to the world is not so clear. I would like to ask myself once again. Why, indeed?

The Best of Me

2010-11-18T07:54:00.000+08:00

The Best of Me is when I exhibit these values:

1. Authentic
2. Creative
3. Responsible
4. Live in Integrity
5. Compassionate

There's more to the list but my loving counselor BM just asked me to enumerate 5 and make my daily affirmations of "I AM ...." even until end of December. I will experience positive changes.

My February goal will accelerate. Perhaps my weight goal too -- 115 lbs. I definitely look forward to that.

Myself will be my priority. For I cannot give what I do not have. I want to fill myself with so much love, gratefulness, and abundance such that it overflows and touches the people around me.

BM gave me feedback yesterday that because I'm a feeler, I only do things when I feel like so. True. She suggested that I create a structure for the activities that I plan to do. She was right too as to why I chose Singapore as the place to go to. Singapore is perceived as a "rigid" place. Yeah, I would definitely learn something from a city / country of discipline and efficiency.

As practice, I would have to enforce a structure for my sleeping pattern. Perhaps 11pm-7am. So there.

Synchronicity & Manifestation

2010-11-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

Since I got activated as a Lily in Feb. 2010, I have been experiencing synchronicity...small coincidences in life. I have also been attracting some good things.

Let me list them down in random:
* This afternoon, I brought my Macbook white to the Power Mac Service Center in San Juan to get my bloated battery looked into. Well, the battery had to be replaced and I have to shell out around P7.5k to get a new one. It was pretty much as I had expected. Then, as an afterthought, I reported to the customer service lady about my cracked top case. I was told that there is a known issue and she checked the serial number to verify if my unit (early 2008 model) belongs to the batch that is eligible for free replacement, and it was! Great! I was given a claim document and I can just go back after 1-2 weeks, when the replacement case has arrived. As I was leaving, I made a mental note to myself that my next trip to a repair center would be Canon for my Ixus 860IS with faulty flash. I was planning my trip to the Canon repair center which I know of to be in Pasong Tamo, Makati. I was thinking of going there on Friday since I plan to attend a healing session in the vicinity that day.

My next stop was at Max's Liberty Center where I have a mentoring session appointment with a writer friend. As I was walking towards Max's, the signboard "Canon Customer Care" caught my attention. I vaguely remember that there's actually a Canon shop beside Max's where we hold our Toastmasters meeting. It's just that I never got to see it open because I only get to Max's normally 6:30pm onwards and the shop was open only till 6pm. But today was different since it's still 5pm. The only reason why I can get there at 5pm was because I had no work (resigned from my job 2 weeks ago). I went inside to inquire about the initial diagnostics rate (P250 to get a quotation of the assessment for replacement parts + P950 labor fee). Then I met someone from Ka-Entrep. A batchmate from my character formation workshop way back May-July 2008. Incidentally, I was just dealing with some Ka-Entrep membership dues renewal affairs last week. Note that I have not been doing anything related to Ka-Entrep for the longest time. What a coincidence that I got to reconnect with Ka-Entrep in a span of 1 week!

Good Mourning

2010-10-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

Until when will I learn to accept the fact that I have messed up?
Until when will I learn to accept the fact that I have made big mistakes?
Until when will I learn to accept the fact that one of the biggest risks I took to get out of my comfort zone did not end up as I had expected?
Until when will I learn to accept the fact that a person I have great admiration for doesn't like me?
Until when will I learn to accept the fact that I need to take responsibility for my mistakes?
Until when will I move on? I've already let almost 3 good years past.

Until when will I reconcile with that person? Am I not yet done with my atonement? Haven't I wasted enough time?
Is is about that person, or is it about that part of me that is reflected in that person?

When will I find answers? Will I find answers before I turn 33? I sure hope so. The answer lies in my hands.

Three years of searching for answers. I can feel the end of the string. Though I kept reverting back at the beginning.

I'm tired of talking about the same old sob story over and over. Sometimes with more emotions, sometimes less.

How did this happen? Why did this happen? What lesson am I meant to learn from this experience? Why does this past keep on haunting me? Why have I given up on myself? When will I redeem myself? What will it take to redeem myself? What will it take for me to understand why my worst side showed up when I wanted to happen was to show my best side? Was it because I was trying too hard? Or is it because my worst side goes hand in hand with my best side? Am I making any sense at all? Is this what they call the shadow?

How do I befriend my shadow? Maybe that person is my shadow. Maybe I see my mirror in her. She is my mirror. And it's not about her. It's about me. There is something about her that she has been resisting. And there is something about me that I'm resisting. And I can feel it. She addresses it by avoiding it. I address mine by avoiding it. And in effect, it's not addressed. We are merely running away from issues that we eventually have to face.

But I highly respect her. Does that mean that I know there is something in me that I still have respect for, but I just opted to mess it up so that I can prove to myself that I'm a failure? What benefit do I get from proving myself that I'm a failure?

She has rejected me. I have rejected myself more than once. It's painful and it hurts. I have not been acknowledging the pain that I inflict upon myself.

Do I actually draw pleasure from this pain? No I don't. It's just that I'm used to it. I have become numbed. I have forgotten how to feel. I have forgotten how to express my feelings.

When was the last time that I have learned to express myself without inhibitions? College? High school? Grade school? Kindergarden? When I was a toddler? When? I couldn't remember. It has always been about pleasing other people. It has always been about masking my true feelings, till I can no longer distinguish what is true and what is un-true.

But I can't live this way all my life. I have dreams. Don't I? Yes, I do. I know my greatness is waiting to be unleashed, once I give it permission. How many seminars and workshops do I have to attend in order for this greatness to be unleashed? How many thousands of pesos do I have to spend in order for me to "discover" what I already now.

My coach asked me to be authentic.

My counselor asked me to "listen within"...to be honest with my own feelings. She has been doing this work for 15 years officially, and 5 years unofficially, for a total of 20 years. She can recognize talent. She knows I have great talents. So it's really up to me if I want to acknowledge and use them.

My spiritual mentor once asked me, since when did I develop my inferiority complex? Told her, since grade school. I was always out-of-place. Then, she added, what is the greatest pain that I can ever know? I mumbled some answer that I wasn't sure of....and she said something that I could never forget. "The greatest pain is knowing your greatness, because that would invalidate everything you know to be true about yourself."

I couldn't sleep that night. She was right. I know there is greatness in me. But I hold it back. Because I'm used to the safety and comforts of being a failure. Failure is more predicable for me. I can handle it much better than success.

So what now?

Last Tuesday, my counselor asked me to write a letter to myself about the things I would like to grieve about, but didn't get to. And my wishes in life.

Guess a good mourning is long overdue.

I grieve about the loss of my dad. I grieve about not being able to hug him while him he was strong and healthy. I grieve about not being able to hear him talk about his life story. I grieve about not being able to say "I love you." to him. I grieve about not being to learn his electrical troubleshooting skills. I grieve about not being to repair broken electromechanical stuff successfully. I destroy more than I can repair. I grieve about not being able to spend quality time with him. I grieve about not being able to learn about handling life, business, and finances from him.

I grieve about the lost opportunities in life because of the programs of fear that I've bought from my mom. I grieve about not having the courage to work abroad because my mom told me that I wasn't a boy, or that I wasn't young enough. I grieve about not knowing what I'm good at because my mom always pointed about what was wrong with me or what I did wrong, rather than I did right.

I grieve about the lost of my paternal grandma, because I didn't get to atone for my selfishness. She has always been serving us grand kids, buying us the chips that we love. I grieve about not being able to pay back her kindness and her acts of service.

I grieve about the loss of my childhood yaya. She has loved me and has taken good care of me. I grieve about not being able to pay my last respects for her when she passed away in the province. She has given her entire life to me and I have not given anything back to her. I am ungrateful. I was a spoiled brat.

....to be continued...

I grieve about my unexpressed emotions. Those words that I meant to say...the screaming in my mind...but I didn't get to say...didn't have the guts to say.

I grieve about the jealousy I felt when my childhood bestfriend (whom I thought was going to be my best friend for life) "left me" for a new best friend when we were in Grade 3. I grieve about my loneliness, my aloneness, my repression. I grieve about the sword tearing through my heart.

I grieve about my incapability to grieve... about my lost of emotions... about the loss of my authentic self, which has not been fully unearthed, and yet already has been prematurely buried.

I grieve about the lost opportunities for quality time on Sundays with my mom and dad, when we were supposed to go to the mall together but didn't get to do so because some customer thought of picking up their orders on a Sunday, which was supposedly a sacred day with my family.

I grieve about my adolescent insecurity and for my last of gracefulness.

I grieve about the lack of connectedness with my brother (who has his own world with computers and gadgets and all things inanimate, who disappointed me for not living up to my expectations of what a loving, caring, big brother should be), and my elder sister (who has her own self-righteousness, love for reading about angels, aliens, and the Atlantis which I couldn't relate to), and my younger sister (who grew up being insecurity with her command of language).

I grieve about the lack of connectedness that I have with my mom, who fears about everything, judges everything. I grieve about how I bought into her discrimination towards the very culture of the country where I grew up in, because of hers and her parents' own share of bad experiences with this culture. I grieve about her fear of change for the better because she was afraid of failing.

I grieve about my not being trained to eat a healthy serving of vegetarian food and for my hookedness to junk, comfort food, and meat, which resulted to my eventual obesity and patterns of self-sabotage. I find my solace in food, then I blame myself for getting sick.

I grieve about my loss of intellectual purity.

I grieve about my loss of my special someone whom I bared my everything -- my deepest, darkest secrets, my emotions, my daily experiences, myself, when the relationship had to end.

I grieve about ending a relationship triggered by a belief in supernatural forces...forces that I myself are now beginning to believe myself (namely "energy" stuff) and thankfully, I still have awareness about the "free will" component. I grieve because my partner did not exercise free will to go against what was been "predicted", and instead acted through non-action. I felt abandoned, rejected, thrown away. It hurt.

I grieve about pursuing my MBA for the reason of forgetting the pain of the ending of a relationship and partly because of my ex's feedback that I should learn something about business (which is not exactly my 1st interest).

I grieve about taking up a college course with board licensure exams simply because it was a course for intelligent people like our batch valedictorian who was very well liked by the majority and very popular. I guess I wanted to be liked. And I felt that earning a license, a title, would give me that sense of accomplishment, that sense of recognition, that sense of belongingness.

I was looking for external validation when all I needed was within me. I joined different organizations during college in order to feel that sense of belongingness, that sense of usefulness, that sense of acceptance. But I all I really needed was to accept myself, inspite of my flaws and imperfections.

I grieve about postponing studying graphics design until the age of 32 when I already have that desire in me when I was 22. Ten years had passed. Now I feel so behind.

I grieve about not having the guts to work abroad because my mom always told me that I'm a girl, I'm not a boy, meaning I don't have the right to take on adventures and risks. My mom was always afraid that something would go wrong that's why she tried to shield us from harm with her fear. But what if beautiful things can also happen when we get out of our comfort zone and go for what we want? What if? I will not be able to say that I had lived a full life if I had not done what I wanted to do, what I was meant to do in this lifetime. I was meant to travel, see the world, go and make a difference in people's lives. I was meant to do great things and I can only start with those who are willing to accept what I can give. It's of no use giving something that people here are not ready to accept.

Do I have to be a boy in order to do great things? But I am a girl inside, with a facade of a boy outside. I am not happy to hide forever. A girl can also do great things. That is why I have strong admiration for strong women, because they possess qualities that I wish I had myself. They act in essence. They just are.

But I also behave like a boy in the sense that I oftentimes take on the role of protector. Because my brother is not man enough that go for the things that he want. He buys in the programs of my mom. He has grown in awareness ever since but it's still not enough for him to break free and live his life the way he wanted it to be.

I grieve for the lost of my thoughtfulness and my confidence in my ability to create because I have been breaking more than I can create.

I grieve for the lost of my slim, fit figure when I decided in my early high school years that I'd add on weight to balance out the look of my heavy-chestedness, which made me very self-conscious. My adding on weight destroy my posture. I began slouching a lot and now I can't straighten up my spine naturally. I've been carrying the heavy weights of my unfinished businesses too because of my unrealistic expectations that I could multi-task.

I grieve for the lost of my dental health. Now, my visits to the dentists have become more frequent and expensive, since I don't have HMO.

I grieve for the lost of my good memory. I used to memorize word for word what I learned in grade school. But in college, I began to forget. I have selectively memory and when the night approaches, I am not exactly myself. I sometimes speak incoherently. It is a source of embarrassment for me.

I grieve for my state of fragmentedness, for my different selves not living in harmony.

There's more to this list but I have to move on to my wish list because I'm running out of time...

My wish list...

I'd like to be a whole, integrated person wherein all my different "selves" are ONE and in HARMONY.
I'd like to live with abundance, comfort, and efficiency.
I'd would like to be financially capable.
I'd would like to live in a home that I can call my own, where there's love, peace and harmony.
I'd like to experience joy and bliss, with a loving, understanding husband/soulmate and two healthy, smart kids -- one boy, one girl.
I'd like to live a balanced life where there's work-life balance.
I'd like to put up a holistic creativity wellness learning center which believes that every individual is capable of transforming himself / herself to a better person through workshops that enhance confidence, creativity, and communication.
I'd like to develop specialization in web and graphics design because I'd like to convert my academic knowledge into practical use.
I'd like to use my talents in such a way that I can produce something beautiful and of value to mankind.
I'd like to experience myself living a life of integrity and authenticity.

The Running Mxxx

2010-07-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

I am a runner. Yes, I run.

Notice the hype with running nowadays. Running is the new badminton. In fact, every weekend, there is an organized running event all over the country. Log on to www.takbo.ph for the race calendar and you’ll see what I mean. People actually pay somewhere along P300 to P800 just to join a race. Typically, one receives a race kit upon registration, which includes a nice race singlet (just like what I’m wearing), a race bib with a number, a timing chip, and a route map. Sometimes, you get to redeem some cool freebies onsite, depending on who is sponsoring the event. Running is a great way to promote health and fitness, not to mention, a venue for meeting new friends.

A Preview of My Lateness

My fellow Toastmasters and friends, I also run. In fact, I run daily. Run LATE, that is. I have been habitually late for my appointments since college. I carried on that habit to every job that I’ve been into…at the call center, at the bank, and to all other odd jobs that I’ve been into, till now at my current company.

During my college days at La Salle, I mastered the art of speedwalking. What would take 15-20 minutes of leisure walk for average people from our house to the nearest LRT station in Tayuman, would simply take me 5-7 minutes, if I’m in a real hurry. It’s like delivering Tito Sonny’s advanced speech projects on Facilitating Discussion within the time allotted for a basic speech project. Boy, I am gifted, huh? Mind you, my speedwalking also includes muscle toning components because I love to lug my heavy personal belongings behind. It makes me look busy and feel important, even if almost all the time, I use less than half of what I bring along. And as soon I reach Vito Cruz station, I would run all the way from McDo gate to the Engineering building which explains why I love wearing comfy shirts, jeans, and rubber shoes. It makes me portable, I mean, flexible.

During my good ol’ tech support days at Sykes, I would be seen running from Shaw Blvd. all the way to our office building behind Megamall. I would skip the elevator and run seven flights up through the staircase, quickly do my time in at the attendance system and another login at the callmaster unit. I could actually as the model of the shampoo commercial which says “Is it windy outside?” (In Tagalog: Mahangin ba sa labas?)

During my grad school days, I would be “Honda”...hon-the-dot! As soon as the clock hits 5pm, I would log off the call master and run towards Shaw MRT station, get off, ride a jeep to Ayala and run up RCBC building to catch my 6pm class, though I am late by 15-30 minutes, most of the time. I recall that during the final submission of our strategic management paper as requirement for our graduation, I was the last to submit and way beyond the due time. My classmates were all waiting for me because our prof made a rule that nobody leaves until all papers have been turned it. Oh boy, was I famous.

Sometimes, my friends taunt me as “The Late Mxxx”, coz I was always running late. And I was late for our club turnover ceremonies last month.

Why do I run late?

So why do I do this? Why do I keep running late? Why do I love cramming? Is it to test my stamina? Or how to see how fast our car can fly when I drive? Or is it to find out how cool it is to be “fashionably late”? Because running definitely do not make me look fashionable, with my hair running wild, my face taut, my body heavy, my sweat dripping, and me gasping for breath.

I figured I “run” because of 3 things:

• First, I love the adrenalin rush. It gives me last minute inspirations. I get to squeeze much in lesser time. Decisions that I have been postponing for days suddenly become clearer when the deadline is near (it rhymes), because my choices by then would have been significantly narrowed down.

• Secondly, I am a perfectionist procrastinator. Everything has to have a perfect start and a perfect end. If I can’t have a perfect start, I don’t start. If I do get to start and I feel that I can’t put a perfect end to it, I don’t end it. I have trouble letting go. So things are kept hanging until the last minute.

• Third, being late gives me a certain sense of control. When I’m late because I spent a few extra minutes getting ready for an appointment, I have “power” over the other party who waits on me. It’s a warped sense of pride. I also “save time” because I skip introductions and warm-ups since by the time I’ve arrived, the activity/event would have started.

The Prices I Pay

Having said all these, I’d say that the costs outweigh the benefits, because for all the last minute inspirations I get, quality is mostly sacrificed. I also accomplish tasks of the wrong priority and so I have to take on the consequences for missing the deadlines for items that are of real priority.

My postponing decisions till the last minute most often than not, leaves me with a less-than-ideal decision.

My being waited on makes the other party lose their trust and respect in me. My credibility goes down the drain. And oftentimes, I often have to apologize, which does no good to my self-esteem.

And…with all the CRUNCH TIME mode that I’m in, my body takes on the toll and my health suffers. I end up being unproductive and miserable.

Getting My Life Back on Track

I wasn’t this way before. I remember when I was in Kindergarden, I would prepare everything I need to bring, on my schoolbag the night before. I would inspect and ensure that my school uniform and accessories are in order. I was also organized and orderly in grade school. It was only in high school when things started to change. I was deeply disappointed when a person I deeply admire came a lot later for a scheduled event. I came early because I was excited, expecting her to be there, but it ended up with me waiting for her for a while. Having to wait for someone felt awful and somehow this programmed me subconsciously to shift to being a person who is waited on, rather than be the one to wait.

However, this destructive behavior has taken long enough and the costs continue to rise, to the point that it no longer serves me. Thus, I am making a commitment at this very moment…to conquer this weakness with how I treat time. May the “late” Mxxx rest in peace. For tonight, we celebrate the arrival of the EARLY Mxxx. A Mxxx who is fashionable early. A Mxxx who runs daily, with or without the race singlet.

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

ACB Track Manual 1 of 2: “The Entertaining Speaker”
Advanced Speech Project #3: "Make Them Laugh"
Delivered: July 15, 2010

“Mentors Around Me”

2010-01-16T13:46:00.000+08:00

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, who among you have had at least one mentor in your life? (Can I have a show of hands, please?) I’m glad to see that most of you have experienced having a mentor, whether formal or informal. I invite you to reflect for a moment your personal encounter with your mentor and how that person had helped you become who you are now as I walk you through how these special people had made a profound impact in my life.

I am fortunate to be surrounded by mentors in various stages of my life. It is true, what they say, that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

So, let us explore further what a mentor is. A mentor is an individual, usually more mature and more experienced, who helps and guides another individual’s development. This guidance is not done for personal gain.

We trace back the use of the term “Mentor” from Greek mythology. The story of Mentor comes from Homer's Odyssey. When King Odysseus of Ithaca went to fight the Trojan War, he entrusted the care of his household to Mentor, who served as teacher and overseer of Odysseus's son, Telemachus.

After the war, Odysseus was condemned to wander for ten years in his attempt to return home. Telemachus, now grown, went in search of his father accompanied by Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and War and patroness of the arts and industry, who assumed the form of Mentor.

Eventually, father and son were reunited and together they cast down would-be usurpers of Odysseus's throne and of Telemachus's birthright. In time, the word Mentor became synonymous with trusted advisor, friend, and teacher.

Who are my mentors and how have I benefited from the mentoring relationship?

o My mentors in the family

I consider my dad to be my 1st mentor. It was from him that I got my spirit of adventure and the passion for continuous learning. He was very hardworking and he likes exploring things. He wasn’t able to finish high school because he had to stop and help his dad run the family business. But he would buy tons of textbooks on various topics – science, health, medicine, dictionaries, and even books on learning various Filipino dialects. His thirst for knowledge was insatiable.

Papa was creative and resourceful. He took vocational courses on woodworking and electronics repair. He did the carpentry work for the wall shelves in my room and in our study area. Whenever a radio or electric fan would bog down, he would bring out his good, ol’ reliable toolkit and start the repair. And soon enough, the appliance would be up and running. Perhaps it was for this reason that I am more comfortable in handling pliers and screwdrivers than learning how to use lipsticks and blush-ons.

Papa was generous. He was a man for others. He would offer to drive his association friends home, even if they were out of the way. He was thoughtful. He would bring delight to us kids whenever he takes home Jollibee hamburgers and fries and keep our minds momentarily away from our homework.

Papa plans for the future. He would buy supplies by the bulk, like a dozen of ballpens or notebooks. For one, in order to avail of the wholesale discount, and the other is to have enough for the “rainy” days. He had this habit of using pentelpen to mark the price of items bought in a non-conspicuous surface of the item. He uses code letters in place of the numbers. This info comes in handy whenever he had to compare prices of an old item with an upcoming purchase to know whether it was a good deal or not. It also helps him identify the useful life of the product. Pretty smart, huh? He had passed away some 10 years ago but up to now, we still get to enjoy and utilize the items he bought. Proof of the legacy he had left behind.

My 2nd mentor was my mom. She taught us siblings the value of frugality and saving. She would constantly remind us to finish all food in the plate, turn off the lights when not in use to, recycle the plastic bag containers of groceries for future use or as trash bags. She’d say that a peso saved is a peso earned. She manages the finances in our household. She encourages us to set aside our extra money in time deposit or other financial instruments. I was able to appreciate the value of setting aside my monthly savings for contingency when I stopped working for almost a year.

o My MBA mentor

Mr. K. My former colleague turned boss. He was also a fellow E.C.E. grad. Since I first met him in late 1999, he was already very driven to make a mark in his profession. He pursued his graduate studies part-time in the evenings and weekends while working daytime as a call center tech support agent and he has moved up the ranks till he became an account manager. Because of his commitment to enhance his skills and knowledge even if he had to do it with his own resources, I was inspired to follow his path to take up MBA in order to gain business management insights. I would consult him almost every term, asking him who would be the best professor to take for this particular subject in order to maximize the learnings and he would gladly give his recommendations. He eventually became my boss and I also came to meet his future wife Ms. G. They have been there to guide me till I graduated. Not surprisingly, my relationship with the couple had blossomed that I became godmother to their son.

o My professional mentor

Ms. E. She is a senior operations director of the call center where I came from, the boss of my boss Mr. K. I was an account supervisor for 3 years but I felt that dealing with day-to-day operations wasn’t my thing. I’m much more interested in doing things that involve variety, people coordination and of putting structure into a non-structure…in short, projects. Ms. E gave me the opportunity to explore project management when she appointed me to lead the roll out of an adhoc HR initiative that involved process improvement work and change management. It was actually extra work with no extra pay but I accepted the challenge. She assigned someone to mentor me and was also there at the background to oversee the progress. She gave me the flexibility to be creative in proposing my own ideas. I recall coming to her with a bunch of questions in mind, expecting her to feed me with answers, but she would throw this question back to me saying, “What do you think?” And I would be forced to think and find a solution. Because of this valuable learning experience, I had the courage to leave my stable 8-year call center job and venture out into another industry involving project management. Today, I still consult her for career and professional advise because of her wealth of experience and success in her profession.

o My personal life success mentor

Tita V. She is the managing director of a seminar company where I’ve been involved in during my period of unemployment and soul-searching, so to speak. Being a down-to-earth, nurturing woman, she encouraged me to not to just settle for anything and to take the time to find what I love doing. She believes in my talent in designing stuff and putting things together, thus, she supported me in my mini-venture to design and sell T-shirts and caps with embroidered logos, and marble paperweight engravings by ordering from me even despite no assurance that the items would be sold. Now that I’ve declared of getting involved in training and development work, she encouraged me to immerse in training facilitation engagements to earn the experience and the money will come in later.

o Lastly, my Toastmaster mentors

Ms. I. How did it happen? It started when I decided to attend the meeting of El Presidente in April 17 last year, upon the referral of a friend who was the sister of Ms. A. I still remember the date because I kept the program. That night however, Ms. A wasn’t available so she endorsed me to Ida. I brought a friend along with me and when we arrived at Max’s, I saw a room full of strangers dressed in their professional attires. The table was U-shaped so there was no place to hide. But Ms. I, she welcomed me and my friend and ushered us to our seats. She was very accommodating and asked how we were after the meeting. She would text me persistently to invite me to attend the upcoming meetings. I was interested to join but didn’t have the funds yet at that time. I missed 2 meetings then signed up as a member in May where she assigned Tita L. to be my BSP1 mentor. Ms. I had this gift of making feel people special and appreciated. During the last meeting of her term in June, she gave out certificates of appreciation. I don’t know how she qualified the recipients, but I received one anyway even if I was just one-month old with the club, together with a personalized canvass bag. It was so effective so much so that when I received a call from her to join her in an officers’ meeting, I went ahead without an inkling of what will happen. She asked me to be the secretary and I accepted the challenge despite much apprehensions and not being ready. You see, I actually put to heart the statement in the Toastmaster’s Promise “To serve my club as an officer when called upon to do so.” That was the magic of Ms. I.

Then there was Ms. A, Tita L., Ms. N, and R. They mentored me in my speech projects. They were their to give me a pat in the back and give me their honest, caring feedback on the areas I could improve on. Ms. N and R would invite me to club hops in order to experience how other clubs conduct their meetings so that we could bring in new ideas to the club. There was a point that our club faced certain challenges but our dedicated club president and VP-Ed persisted and courageously weathered the challenge. I admire their resilience to cope with last minute changes and handle multiple meeting roles just to get the program rolling. I also have my hats off to the former presidents, Ms. A and Tita L., for serving as pillars of the clubs because they love the club and Toastmasters.

So what do all my mentors have in common? They are: S – Selfless, L – Leaders in their own crafts, I – Inspires people, D – Desire to Impart Knowledge, B – Believes in my capabilities. Mentors, through their deeds and work, help us to move toward fulfilling our potential. Their presence uplifts. They are like the stars in the night sky, shining our path, helping us reach our goals even if they are not physically around.

I am truly blessed to have mentors around me and I would like acknowledge some of them who are here. And the best way I can think of to pay back is to pay it forward. By mentoring someone else.

My dear Toastmasters and friends, who have mentored you today? And how can you be a mentor to someone else? Good evening.

(Taken from my BSP10 - Delivered May 28, 2009)

IT IS WRITTEN.

2009-05-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

So I'm back!

I'm supposed to update the contents of a certain website but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to update my action plans and milestones for my goals for submission this afternoon but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to update my resume for submission to headhunters and prospect companies but I couldn't start.
I'm supposed to prepare for my BSP10 graduation speech for next week but I couldn't start. (I've procrastinated this task for 2 months.)

Why couldn't I start? Because I have so many things on my mind. I'm bothered. Very bothered.

Last week was crazy. I had to come up with a decision whether or not to stay in my sales & marketing job and lead a sales team as part of my responsibilities. It has been 3 months. Along the way, I have picked up some skills in sales, presentation, and business in a very flexible work environment. And I was lucky enough to have competent and understanding bosses who could read through me and had mentored me to grow and learn.

Basically, I couldn't commit to doing that job because I knew that sales isn't my passion. I can do it for the sake of doing and can become good at it in due time, but I need a more intrinsic motivation. I had begun to like the job and enjoy the simplicity of the work environment but then I knew I wouldn't stay long because I knew deep inside that this isn't the field where I feel I would excel in.

So there you go. I wanted to be in a field where I would excel in. And I would excel in it because I know it is my passion. My passion is in educating people and transforming lives. I have this burning need to express myself, express my full potential. Everytime I do something that's not aligned to my values, I feel small.

Somewhere in between deciding whether to pursue my coaching accreditation and whether to stay in the retail company or not, somehow the answer came to me. I chose coaching.

Last week, I got nominated to be club president for the next term July 2009 to June 2010. The idea of assuming a top position scares the hell out of me. I've always avoided occupying a lead post. I'm perfectly okay to assume a 2nd in line position because it's safe. I don't like my making big decisions and I can always defer the final decision to the top person. I know there are 2 other more qualified persons in the club who could take on the leadership role but the other one had to relocate due to a career change, the other way has priorities with the family. And me, I don't have a career, nor do I have a family to raise. So what does that leave me?

Though I didn't want to admit it, I know that deep within me I wanted to accept this challenge because I felt that the universe has somehow laid out this opportunity to me. IT IS WRITTEN. I have ideas on how to make the club work but I'll need the support of my predecessors and my current team of officers. I have to maintain a positive, optimistic disposition. I have my inner battles to fight with. I have my weaknesses to overcome and I have my strengths waiting to shine and unleash its power. By accepting the responsibility to lead an organization that supports communication and leadership development, I am living my values. I am doing something that is aligned to my purpose.

So be it.

What have I become? What do I need to learn?

2009-04-30T07:24:00.000+08:00

I value growth. Therefore I must be ready to pay the price and enjoy the process of growing.

I need to learn:
- Spontaneity - Being able to handle situations without prior preparation.
- Adaptability - Being able to let go of a past mindset or approach that do not work and apply a new approach despite being uncomfortable.
- Creativity - Applying the theoretical knowledge to real life and producing tangible results.
- Humility - Being able to say sorry and be genuinely remorseful for a wrong doing whether intentional or unintentional.
- Logic - The ability to talk sense and learning not to compare apples with oranges but rather, comparing an old apple with a new apple or find similar characteristics of apples and oranges to compare with.
- Balance - Finding a midpoint between two extremes.
- Focus - Being able to prioritize the most important task on hand and devote all resources to accomplish it.
- Maturity - Being able to see the big picture, taking into consideration all major factors that would make or break an entity. Being able to balance short term rewards with long term fulfilment. And acting on it.

I need to learn to take action. Go go go!

Lessons for a Tabletopics Master

2009-04-25T21:09:00.000+08:00

My mentor Tita L told me....

A must are: Discuss the importance of the table topics portion, format, and time.
Room for improvement: Call those w/o roles or doing minor roles; call 1st old timers before a guest and ask permission for guest participation.

My mentor I told me...

Have a shorter intro and questions.
Keep the quotation short and simple, bearing in mind that the participants only have 2 minutes to answer.
Try to throw your voice so that it would be clearer. Practice without microphone since you are confident.

Uncover Your Passion

2009-04-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, what do you want? What do you truly, truly want? What is it that you look forward to every morning? What excites you? What stirs your blood? What do you enjoy doing and are you good at? If money wasn’t a concern, what would you be doing?

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

Those were some of the questions that I asked myself last year, while I was going through a rather painful phase of figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

You see, last year February, I resigned from a high-paying corporate job at a multinational bank. Five months prior to that, I was hired to be part of their systems implementation project team, and given the rank of AVP along with the perks that came with it. I reported to a very driven, efficient, task-oriented boss who happened to be a college acquaintance. It had been my long-time career fantasy to experience being sent on a foreign business trip, to enjoy an attractive executive-level pay, and to work for a boss that I greatly admire. In fact, I got all of them. But it didn’t last. I had thought that this banking job was the break I was looking for after being in a call center operations for 8 years. I had thought that I would stay there for 5 years or more. Little did I know that I would be staying for only 5 months.

It was a bad case of mismatch of job qualifications and expectations. I resigned not because I wanted to but because I had to. My boss will eventually let me go because she felt I couldn’t cope fast enough to meet the requirements of the job. She couldn’t afford to wait for me to “grow up”, so to speak. I was disillusioned and my pride went down the drain.

After that incident, I decided to take the time off and do the things that I’ve been meaning to do but never had the time because I was always busy with work. I used the time to reconnect with myself and uncover my passion. I had to be clear on what my strengths are and where my interests lie so that I know what direction to take.

2008 was a year that I ROVEd – Reflected, Observed, Volunteered, Explored.

o I REFLECTED. I spent a lot of “alone” time. Being a visual person, I wrote down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and deepest desires into a journal. I mind-mapped of my goals and dreams and I implemented each of them one by one. Joining Toastmasters was one of my goals and here I am.

o I OBSERVED. I’m an avid book reader and so I have my personal metal bookshelf inside my room housing my precious collections. I took a hard look at the contents and found titles on: Art and creativity, Management, Entrepreneurship, Self-help books, Psychology and Mind-Enhancement, Health and wellness. I aunderstood myself better through the books I have accumulated throughout the years. I find happiness in investing or spending on things that interest me.

o I VOLUNTEERED. If pay wasn’t an issue, what would I rather be doing? I found the answer when I immersed myself in a seminar company for 8 months, doing volunteer work for their leadership success programs. I attended some life coaching workshops, had myself coached, and also served as a coach. It’s amazing how much insight you can get about yourself when you find yourself very willing to do something without being paid.

Back in college, I was actively involved in publicity committee work and the volunteer work allowed me to rediscover my artistic talents when I had to do backdrop designs, photoshoots, and audio-visual presentations as part of my tasks.

o I EXPLORED. I explored with entrepreneurship. I took some entrepreneurship and financial literacy classes. I joined a one-week bazaar selling miscellaneous items ranging from bedsheets and pillow cases, to office wear and casual wear, to bags and diving accessories. Obviously, I didn’t get my ROI back but at least, I found out ways not to business. I did some sidelines with networking marketing and designed some corporate giveaways. I took on a temporary consultancy job for a friend’s company.

I applied for jobs in various industries – training, banking, BPO, computer retail, IT consultancy, telecoms. I had about 20 initial interviews but never got shortlisted. I was either under qualified or over qualified. I didn’t want to go back to the call center because of the irregular work hours. My esteem was tested each time I got rejected but I took it as a positive learning experience because I know that each interview brings me one step closer to the job that was for me.

Throughout my journey of uncovering my passion, I have become a better person. I learned the value of humility, patience, resilience, risk-taking, openness, and resourcefulness. I learned to be grateful with what I have instead of complaining about what I don’t. I learned to trust and have faith.

I have discovered that I like talking to people, understanding their needs and wants, experimenting new ways to do things and applying what I’ve learned, and doing a bit of creative design work.

Two weeks ago, I decided to accept an offer to work in a small-scale retail business referred by the same friend who got me in the banking job. They are an imaging solutions provider supplying photo-equipment and printers. My role is sales and marketing in nature, something I’ve never done professionally before but was willing to learn. The pay was a fraction of the salary that I used to enjoy before. There wasn’t much perks. No foreign business travel, but I do get to go on field work and participate in events. I get to speak and present. I get to learn photography techniques. I get to be mentored by an entrepreneurial boss. Because a small company, I could bring in new ideas that would improve the business. I’d rather be a big dot in a small company, than a small dot in a big company. I’m pretty happy because what I’m doing is aligned to who I am.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sharing this with you because I’d like you to understand the value of being able to find your life purpose, of uncovering your passion, in order to be happy and fulfilled.

As Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, said in his commencement address at Stanford University in 2005, “You’ve got to find what you love.” You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Take the time to uncover your passion. That way, when opportunity presents itself, you know when to grab it. Good evening and God bless.

(Taken from my BSP#9 Speech Project)

Celebrating 31 blessed years of existence

2009-02-03T09:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I just turned 31. Again another milestone for the year after the Western New Year (Jan. 1), Chinese New Year (Jan. 26).

I have decided I am going to spend the next 30-50 years of my life taking action. Yes, that's the word - ACTION! Creating tangible, measurable results through DISCIPLINE, COMMITMENT, and ACTION. That means zero tolerations. By results, I mean monetary results (tangible) and through testimonies (for intangible). This will definitely involve RESPONSIBILITY & SPONTANEITY.

And before I forget, I'm listing down actions that I plan to accomplish before my next birthday.

Build my competency as a writer

Blogging my experiences & reflections (movies, learning events, travels, special events, work)
Read up Lifestyle magazines & blogs
Do Toastmasters evaluation, impromptu speaking

Build my competency as a events coordinator (seminars, travels, special occasions)

Family event planning and implementation
Seminar staffing
Travel event staffing
Wedding event staffing
Getting involved in organizing & planning special events

Build the foundation of my coaching practice

Get involved in life-coaching programs
Coach 10 people to success
Do Toastmasters mentoring

Master a series of relevant technical skills specialization for me to become a technology solutions consultant

Project management
Database administration
Pricing & negotiation
Supplier & customer relations management
Graphics & video design & editing

Get involved in health & wellness activities

Regular Yogilates sessions
Semi-triathlon activities (running & swimming)
Proper grooming

Shift to a promoter-controller style whenever the occasion permits

Confessions of a Clutterholic

2009-01-31T10:25:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

I have a confession to make…I AM A CLUTTERHOLIC. No, not an alcoholic, nor a shopaholic, but a clutterholic.

o 6000+ emails in my Yahoo inbox
o 50+ Yahoogroup subscriptions
o 500+ messages in my Globe inbox

That is the count of my ELECTRONIC CLUTTER, as of Sunday.

o A cabinet filled with clothes more than half of which I haven’t worn for the last 3 years.
o Another cabinet filled with bags of different shapes and sizes for different occasions.
o A dresser table filled with contact lens and eyeglass cases with old prescriptions.
o A plastic container filled with fancy necklaces and bracelets that I don’t get to use that often.

Those are some of my PHYSICAL CLUTTER. Need I say more?

There’s this saying ”to save some for the rainy days”, I think I overdid it. I mentioned in my Icebreaker speech before that I was an “Experience Collector”, but I think my clutter became part of it. It wasn’t until I stopped working for almost a year that I really had the luxury of time to inspect the contents of my room.

So what is clutter exactly?

The word “clutter” originated from the Middle English word “clotter” (with an “o”) which means to coagulate or solidify (as in blood coagulation). Simply put, clutter is “stuck energy”.

CLUTTER ACCUMULATES when ENERGY STAGNATES and, likewise, ENERGY STAGNATES when CLUTTER ACCUMULATES. So the clutter begins as a SYMPTOM of what is happening with you in your life and then becomes PART OF THE PROBLEM itself because the more of it you have, the more STAGNANT ENERGY it attracts to itself.

Karen Kingston, author of the book “Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui” classifies clutter into four categories: (1) things you do not use or love, (2) things that are untidy or disorganized, (3) too many things in too small a space; and (4) anything unfinished.

Anything unfinished in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual realms clutters our psyche. Let me expound on the last type. I’ll need a volunteer to participate in this little exercise.

Hold on to this Styrofoam cup and this barbecue stick. Imagine this cup to be your life. I’ll give a series of statements for you to Agree or Disagree on. For every disagreement or “No” answer, you will make a hole at the bottom of the cup with the use of the stick.

Here goes:
o All my personal files, papers, and billing statements are neatly filed away.
o All my appliances and equipment at home are in good working condition.
o I drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
o My teeth and gums are healthy.
o My weight is within my ideal range.
o I pay my bills on time.
o I have told my parents, in the last 3 months, that I love them.
o There is no one whom I would dread or feel uncomfortable “bumping into”.
o I have fully forgiven those people who have hurt/damaged me, intentional or not.

Now, I want you to position the cup over your head and I’ll pour water over it. (I’ll make the motions of pouring the water from the pitcher onto the cup.) Nah…just kidding. But you get my point.

Each incomplete or unresolved matter represents an energy leak. Until these holes are fixed, one can never have enough water to keep the glass full.

So why do we have the need to keep clutter? Let us examine some of the reasons:

o 1st: “Just in case” mentality

The thought of not being able to throw something away because it is sure to come in useful someday indicates a LACK OF TRUST IN THE FUTURE. It is scarcity-thinking.

But hey, we create our own reality by the thoughts we have, so if we worry that we will need something after we have thrown it away, our subconscious mind will create a situation where we need that very thing. But if we decide to let things go, similar or better things will somehow turn up in your life at the right time.

o 2nd: Identity

Sometimes we get attached to our belongings because we somehow feel that our own identity is tied up in them. For instance, my filofax planner is an evidence of my active extracurricular life in college, thus, I would want to hold on to those memories for a long time. But later on, I realized that I don’t actually need an object to remind me of what I’m capable of doing because that capability is actually within me.

o 3rd: Scroogeness or “sulit” mentality

Sometimes we refuse to let go of our junk until we feel we have really got our money’s worth out of it. It feels indecent to let a thing go before every last drop of usefulness has been wrung out of it (motion: wring towel). Good things cannot easily come into our lives if we block the flow of energy by persistently clinging to outdated clutter.

o 4th: Perfectionism

Perfectionists procrastinate because they fear they are going to do something wrong or poorly, so they just don't do it at all. To overcome the perfectionism stumbling block, simply change your vocabulary. Instead of "perfection," strive for "EXCELLENCE!" There may not be a perfect place to store your photo albums. But I'm sure that there is an excellent place to put them.

Now that we understand the reasons for keeping clutter, we now have a choice whether to hold on or to let go. Me, I have decided to declutter in order to make space for new things to come into my life -- a rewarding job, a fulfilling relationship, and many more.

So far, I’ve made progress.
o I have deleted unimportant messages from my email and phone inboxes.
o I have streamlined my Yahoogroup memberships.
o I have thrown away most of my old planners.
o I have sold off some of my old romance novels through online ads and have donated some of my old clothes and bags to charity.
o And of course, I have also started to declutter my body with the proper choice of food.

I felt a lot lighter…liberated. It is just but appropriate. Incidentally, tomorrow marks the 10th year death anniversary of my dad and in a few days, I shall turn 30-something. I’m more than ready to move on.

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, what are you waiting for? Come join me in my space clearing adventure! Good evening!

(Taken from my Basic Speech Project #8)

Thriving in a fast-paced multinational environment

2009-01-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

Today is Chinese New Year. And I chose this day to reflect on my learnings from a job that had drastically changed my outlook in my personal and professional life.

February 6 last year, I resigned from that financially rewarding, emotionally wrecking, experience enriching, mentally challenging job.

Reason provided on my resignation letter:
I am resigning to allow me more time and concentration to deal with my personal issues which are hampering my level of productivity and hindering my ability to express my full potential at work.

Actually the real reason is that I don't know how to deal with a boss (whom I highly respect) who had loss her trust in me. I was disillusioned by the events that transpired and so was she. I didn't expect myself to perform so poorly nor did she. I wasn't ready to embrace the fact that I was hired as an AVP so I didn't behave like one. Nor did I really put much attention to be like one.

Looking back on how I spent my 2008 after that incident, I actually spent a lot of time working on my self-development and self-expression. I congratulate myself for really taking time to address my issues.

My mechanism for self-development was staffing the Basic, becoming a Starshooters player / coachee, and eventually becoming a coach. Also, becoming a candidate towards becoming an ICF-accredited life coach.

My mechanism for self-expression was joining Toastmasters and becoming an officer.

My journey last year has been full of challenges and dramas but I survived and emerged being grateful and optimistic. And now I am more objective. Thus, I found the guts to review again the 13-page performance appraisal sheets which my former boss had diligently put together. Btw, I must say that I wince everytime I read the document.

As part of my closure for the painful emotional experience, I shall list down the values that I need to exhibit consistently in every job that I undertake to ensure my success.

Independent
Meet the alloted deadline
Proper work distribution
Not being casual in my tasks
Multi-task
Focus
Adaptability to the work style
Finish the basic before moving to the advanced; no short-cutting
Create a laundry list of questions to be tackled at a scheduled time (as a way of managing the inboxes of the boss and teammates)
Respect each other's time
Lower down self-expectations on product knowledge but catch up on readings on my own time
Be a self-starter
Manage time
Be responsible for my own health/physical condition
Exercise common sense/judgement
Exhibit security in fielding questions
Seek guidance from those who have gone through the process to get started
Facilitate trainings
Submit excellent, not mediocre work to avoid rework
Prioritize things based on deadlines given
Consult boss when in doubt with official work instructions
Clarify questions directly from the source to avoid miscommunication and duplication of work
Learn and process immediately information obtained from immersion
Initiative in owning the project
Initiative in the process of documentation
Initiative in learning more and taking on more work
Provide feedback to boss regarding status of the documents and any support needed
Be considerate of other people's time
Deliver quality output on time
Exhibit work ethics
Give professional responses (keep side comment in check)
Assertiveness
Read documents before the meeting
Importance of perception

Areas to improve on:

Communication skills
Adaptability and change
Creativity and innovation
Initiative
Time management

So there.

Injustice and Gratitude

2008-10-25T20:44:00.000+08:00

I choose to live in a space of gratitude. Because it's an injustice to be otherwise.

After stopping work for 8 months, I finally made an EXECUTIVE decision to go back to work. Never mind that it's not the ideal job that I wanted. Never mind that it's not give me the comforts of the corporate life that I've gotten used to. Never mind that it pays me only a fraction of what I used to enjoy. Never mind that I still can't go back to the lifestyle I was used to before.

I didn't anticipate that my period of soul-searching, self-reflection, and career-exploration will go beyond May but circumstances made it that way. It didn't help that I was in denial of the fact that I had my fair share of responsibility for the situation I got myself into.

It's an injustice to myself to continue being professionally idle and financially scarce for an extended period while doing volunteer work that was supposed to enhance other people's life. I am not being in integrity with the philosophy I have been actively promoting. It's true what they say, you can't give what you don't have.

It's an injustice that I have unabashedly began to accept treats (well, blessings) from close friends and family more often than what is prudent simply because I felt financially less than and would need some "rescuing". I have been using my bumhood status to avoid taking control of my life. I am doing an injustice to the organizations that I've been involved in because instead of practicing the teachings, I have been doing the opposite.

It's an injustice that my mom has to be shoulder some of my prescription medicines fees, gas money whenever I use the car, among others, because I didn't want to use up my savings.
It's an injustice that I have been putting up with a mouse that has been going bonkers because I didn't want to spend extra.
It's an injustice that I have not been able to enjoy decent shopping for clothes and shoes for almost a year now. The last time I did purchase a blouse was for a wedding coordination assistance work I did for a friend. Not for pleasure.
It's an injustice that I no longer can afford to buy books that I want.
It's an injustice that I already count each text message that I send out to make sure that I don't exceed my monthly cellphone plan's budget allocation.
It's an injustice that I can no longer keep the promise I made to myself that I will do at least 1 foreign and 1 local travel each year starting 2003. It's only this year that I had not made any foreign travel.
It's an injustice that I have lapsed payment of my SSS since I stopped working.
It's an injustice that I know have to shell out hundreds and thousands of bucks for my dental and medical care whereas before, my company HMO covers it.
It's an injustice that my younger sister is now treating me instead of me treating her.
It's an injustice that I no longer invite my close friends out because I don't want to go through the hassle of organizing and spending. Actually I have been avoiding contact with them.
It's an injustice that I can no longer pay for pampering services from salons and spas whereas before I can readily spend for them.

I realize that while money may not be everything, it does afford me a comfortable lifestyle, a status I can be proud of, the ability to treat people whenever I want to, and the capacity to purchase some things for pleasure and not just for necessity.

Enough of the injustice I've been inflicting on myself.

I should also be grateful of what I had learned during this defining year of my life, which coincides with my 3 decades of existence. I may not have been able to travel to a foreign land but the situations that I've encountered certainly are foreign to me and they further enrich my life experiences.

I got a preview of what it's like to be one of the below and the corresponding price to pay:
- Bazaar Merchant
- Visual Artist/Painter
- Seminar Staffer
- Entrepreneur
- Corporate Giveway Designer/Dealer
- Networker
- Freelance Insurance Agent
- Real Estate Franchise Agent
- Wedding Coordinator
- Training Assistant
- Life Coachee
- Life Coach
- Public Speaker
- Business Process Consultant
- Yogilates student
- Belly-Dancing student
- Interviewee

Of course, I never went all the way. Some of them my involvement was just for 1 training/overview session, some more. A few I invested significant time already. But I am grateful for the experience.

What have I realized so far?
- I enjoy Yogilates. Why? Because of the momentary peace of mind and flow of energy throughout my body through stretching, breathing, and meditation.
- I enjoy Belly Dancing. Why? Because of the training for spontaneity with the movement of my hips, arms, legs, and neck.
- I love the experience of being a Life Coach. Why? Because I saw my mirror in the players. Because what I say or don't say, do or don't do, think or don't think impact other people's lives. I am an agent of positive change.
- I love the experience of being a Seminar Staffer and Training Assistant. Why? Because of the access to learnings about life from the facilitator and the participants.
- I love the positive support learning environment in Toastmasters. Why? Because I get immediate feedback on how to improve my communication skills.
- I don't feel comfortable with having to do sales or leads generation. I'd like to keep my personal and professional relationships separate. I don't like to have an agenda in my relationships.
- Discipline, commitment, focus, and clarity work for me.

So what does that make of me? What are my strengths? Where do I go from here? Where should I focus myself professionally? I don't know. Maybe time can tell. But hopefully clarity of my life purpose will shine on me before my next birthday. Maybe you can see what I can't.

My Unofficial Resume

2008-10-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

2008 has been a challenging year for me. Undoubtedly.

Being someone who likes to associate official job titles and level of income with the level of self-worth, I value myself at zero for being a bum between Feb. 6 to Oct. 5, 2008.

I have gone through 8 months of soul-searching, career exploration, and self-discovery. Despite having no official job title and no steady stream of income, I will try to log my accomplishments for those months even if it will never be part of my official job resume.

They say that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Someday I shall look back and find this post amusing. But for now, allow me to use this blog posting as a venue to dump my sorry emotions.

Feb. 19 - May 25 - Became a player for a life coaching program. I was surrounded by successful people except myself.

May - July - Attended 7 consecutive Wednesdays of team & values formation workshop sponsored by an entrepreneurship organization. Got inducted as a member but no longer showed up for the planning sessions and activities. I figured I wasn't ready to be an entrepreneur even if I had dreamt of becoming freelance.

Aug. 13 - Nov. 9 - Became a coach for a life coaching program. I was surrounded by achiever players.

Sept. 20 - Missed my former colleague's out-of-town wedding. She was dear to me because she was my sole confidante at my former job. I have saved her wedding date in my cellphone calendar since the start of the year to remind myself that I will attend her wedding no matter what. I did an RSVP but didn't show up because I didn't have a ride. I allowed my financial limitation to become an obstacle. Now she's probably in London with her hubby for good. And although I texted her to ask to meet up, I didn't really go all the way to make sure that we see each other before she leaves her home country for good.

Oct. 1 - My mom's birthday. I didn't buy her a gift because I was feeling scarce since I had no income. I didn't feel like spending a fortune using my emergency savings. I ended up contributing 200 bucks only to my younger sis for my share of a plain Red Ribbon Sansrival cake that didn't impress the rest of the members of our family and bro-in-law's come cake-blowing time after enjoying an abundant lunch meal of seafood lauriat dishes. Can't blame them. I felt bad myself. Even the candles representing 6 decades of her birth were grocery-quality candlesticks from my sis. I could have insisted on buying "6" and "0" number candles but I didn't feel like spending extra.

- to be continued -

Dumbguard Knowledge

2008-10-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

OPENING

(Do the rifle drill) Bang, bang, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. (Rest the rifle on the ground.)

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

My Grade School Life

I have been the “typical” quiet, shy type of girl during my grade school years. I abhor recitations, voluntary or graded, in the seat and more so in front of the class. I don’t raise my hand to speak up even if I know the answer. I don’t talk to strangers nor do I mingle with my “noisier” classmates because they belong to the “talkative” group while I belong to the “behaved” group.

Day in, day out, I ride the school bus so I never get to hang around with my classmates after dismissal. I bring my own lunch box and usually eat with 1 or 2 girl friends during noontime. I never joined declamation contests, singing contests, or math & science quiz bees. I have never been a class officer nor have I been nominated to be one. My scores in the report card were all black and I occasionally make it to the honor roll. However, one thing I didn’t like was that my report cards repeatedly show “shy” and “timid” in the Remarks section.

My High School Life

Thus upon finishing Grade 6, I said to myself, I wanted a different life. I wanted to be exposed. I joined the Patrol Leader & Senior Patrol Leader Training Courses the summer vacations before my freshman and sophomore years. I learned to cheer, chant, sing, and serve. I learned to tie fancy knots, join camping trips, trek Mt. Makiling and participate in team activities. I started to get a feel of what “fun” is like.

Still, I felt that something was missing with my being a scout leader. Perhaps because I had to pretend that I was a leader even if leading doesn’t come naturally to me. Being the stiff and serious person that I am, I also associated the word “having fun” with “being shallow”. Obviously, I didn’t want to be shallow.

Thus during the last quarter of my sophomore year, I joined the Commissioned Officer Candidate Course under the Citizens’ Army Training department. There, life became more exciting. Being trainees, we were tagged as Cadet (short “a”) and Cadet (long “a”) Dumbguards for gentlemen and ladies, respectively.

As part of our training routine, we had to report to our training officers during breaktimes for our assignments. We would always have our white tickler notebook, black ballpen, white hanky, and rosary ready for inspection. We were asked to memorize poems such as Don’t Quit, Unity, Invictus, Credenda, and Desiderata. Some were actually a page long. Interestingly enough, they call the entire collection of inspirational poems and quotations as the “Dumbguard Knowledge”.

Role Playing

Me: Ma’am CDT/DBG xxx yyy, reporting for duty ma’am.
OFFICER: Recite “Unity”.
Me: Ma’am, “Unity”! I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do and what I ought to do by the grace of God, I will do. Ma’am!
OFFICER: Good. Recite “Don’t Quit”.
Me: Ma’am, “Don’t Quit”!
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit. Ma’am!

Yes, I learned to answer in terms of “Sir, yes, Sir”, or “Ma’am, no, Ma’am”. Our training was rigorous. During summer vacation, while my batchmates were busy with their theater art performances, choir practices, varsity games, I was busy crawling on the floor with my rifle, doing sit ups, push ups, duck walks, and jogging around the gym perimeters while holding my dear rifle close to me. We developed endurance, courage, and discipline through polishing of our buckles, pins, shoes, eating square meals, standing upright under the sweltering heat of the sun, guarding the camp perimeters in the dark of the night, and doing our rifle and sword drills. Right and wrong was learned in terms of the merits and demerits we received.

Dumbguard Knowledge and my Life

Fellow toastmasters and guests, I may have lost my spontaneity somewhere in the process of being a cadet officer but what I got from it was priceless. I learned about excellence, punctuality, camaraderie, responsibility, and respect for authority. Memorizing the DUMBGUARD KNOWLEDGE may not have made much sense to me before… but it sure has helped built my character and equip me in dealing w/ life’s challenges through the years.

When I feel powerless, I would draw strength from Invictus --- “I am the master of my faith, I am the captain of my soul.”

When I feel troubled, I would be calmed by lines from Credenda. “Be unafraid. Nothing here can harm you except yourself. Do that which you dread and cherish those victories with pride.”

I have grown a lot since grade school and I now have the courage to speak up in front of a class. And if I were to receive a report card again, I will definitely not see the remarks “shy” and “timid” anymore. Good evening.

ENDING

(Pick up rifle and do my farewell act “Tumiwalag”. “Sa-wa-lo” (turn around). “Sa-wa-lo” (leave stage)

- taken from my Basic Speech Project #6 -

Misadventures in KL Land

2008-09-19T20:54:00.001+08:00

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

I love to travel.

I have often fantasized of being sent out on a foreign business trip by a prestigious multinational company. This dream became a reality in September 2007, a week after I joined the technology team in a multinational bank. During that time, they were in the midst of a system implementation project in Kuala Lumpur and so I was deployed to help out.

Since it was my first time to travel for official business and alone in a country that I’ve never been to for 3 long weeks, I had my jitters. I didn’t know what to expect so, I over-prepared. A few weeks before the trip, I bought a brand new luggage, an entire wardrobe of new corporate attire from blouses, slacks, skirts, down to the shoes. I also brought along my “baon” consisting of half a dozen cups of instant noodles, packs of instant 3-in-1 drinks, chips and crackers. Of course, with the help of my mom. It was like I was going on a camping trip.

All my bags were packed and I was ready to go. On the Sunday of my departure, my flight got delayed by two hours and upon arriving at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport at around 10pm, I tried to follow my boss’ instructions to locate the airport limo counter after Immigration. But nowhere could I find it. So I just followed my instincts and proceeded in the general direction of where most passengers were headed until I saw a long queue for coupon taxi service. After an hour, I was able to board a budget taxi. It’s not exactly the limo service that my boss had described and definitely no porter service but who cares! I was tired and I wanted to settle down. Off we went and when I finally saw the brightly illuminated Petronas Twin Towers come into view, I knew I was almost home because I was told that the office building and the service apartment were just in the vicinity.

The work days quickly passed by and when the weekends came, I put on my “domestic” hat and attended to some household chores. And that was when a string of exciting misadventures had happened.

One Saturday, I was packing the contents of my luggage and suddenly, I couldn’t open the combination lock. I distinctly remembered setting it as 525 because it’s the birthday of my dad. Could I have changed the combination by accident? I tried several attempts but to no avail. I even tried the factory default setting of 000 but it just won’t work. I broke into a cold sweat. What should I do? It’s my brand new Voyager luggage, and I bought it for like 2000 bucks. Should I pry open the lock? How? Or maybe cut a slit on the side of the luggage? Uggh, that would be ugly. In the end, I told myself to calm down. Think Marilyn! Think hard! Alas, ting! A brilliant idea came to mind. My college Statistics lessons on probability came in handy. Since there are only 3 digits in the combination lock, then that means there are only 999 ways to open the lock. Since it was a weekend, I had some extra time. I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the luggage against my lap and patiently tried out each combination starting from 001, 002 and so on. Finally at 120-something, I heard “click!” I was so relieved! I need not try out the remaining 800-something combinations anymore. And best of all, I get to preserve the brand new state of my Voyager luggage. Yehey! ☺

But that wasn’t the last of my lockout experience. One late evening, I ordered room service for dinner. The next morning, I carefully put the dishes and utensils onto the tray and placed it outside the room by the door. Because I wanted to make sure that everything is in order, I stepped too far out from the door and forgot to jam one foot to keep the door ajar. Thus, the door shut close and I was locked out from my own room. I said to myself “Oh no, not again!!!” I left my keycard inside! I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. It’s as if I was on an episode of “Wow Mali!”. Good thing wearing sheer nightgowns wasn’t part of my sleeping gear. I was wearing my good ol’ reliable T-shirt, jogging pants and slippers so I simply went down the elevator and calmly explained my predicament to the reception lady at the lobby. She was kind enough to escort me all the way up to my room at the 16th floor. From then on, I swore to never to get locked out again.

There was another unforgettable blooper that I made while doing another domestic stint. Part of business travel practice is to do laundry for our inner garments and house clothes via the apartment’s self-service laundrette.

One afternoon, I piled all my used clothes into the big plastic laundry basket, prepared some small bills and brought my own Tide washing machine-ready detergent powder and off I went to the elevator, excitedly pushing the 4th floor button. When I reached the self-service laundry room, I saw rows of washing machine units to my right and dryers stacked on top of each other to my left. One requires 4 MYR coins to operate the machines and so I had to approach the cashier at the convenience store located on the same floor for loose change.

I took the opportunity to ask the cashier lady to teach me how to operate the washing machine. There were instructions in English but then I wanted to make sure. So I survived the washing part, which lasted for 40 minutes. Now comes the drying part. This time, I thought I’d figure it out on my own. I loaded my still-wet clothes on the top dryer and loaded coins onto the coin slot in the middle section, turned the knob and pressed the start button. To my surprise, the top dryer didn’t run and instead, the bottom dryer unit which was empty started moving. I hurriedly went to the cashier lady and asked how to make it stop. She shook her head and said I would have to wait for it to stop on its own and that’s like another 40 minutes. I felt like I just lost a game. Good bye 4 ringgits! But I wasn’t about to let it happen just like that. So I opened the bottom dryer door and viola, the machine halted for a moment. I quickly transferred the contents from the top dryer to the bottom dryer. Upon closing the door, the machine resumed its process. I congratulated myself for thinking on my feet. I got away with it!

A few weeks later, I had another tumble drying stint. This time, I’ve already made a mental note to load the coins on the opposite side of the slot which I did so but then for some reason, I placed my wet clothes on the bottom dryer unit. So, when I pressed the start button, it activated the top dryer unit with the already dried clothes of somebody else. I was tempted to switch my contents with the other person’s but I can just imagine the puzzled look on that person’s face upon seeing that his clothes have magically been moved to another unit. So, I just left things as is and decided I’m going to grant that stranger another round of drying service for free. And I proceeded to load the correct dryer unit with coins. Talk about being smart. Maybe I was just under a lot of stress at work back then. Again, I got to laugh at myself.

So from experiencing a series of lockouts from my luggage to my apartment room, to loading the coins on the wrong dryer twice, these are just some of the misadventures I had while I was in KL land. I can still recall what my engineering professor in college would always say just right before our exam, “You may look up for inspiration, or look down in desperation, but you may not look to your sides in search for an answer.” During those blooper moments, I would just shake my head in momentary frustration and give a hearty laugh afterwards. After all, they say that laugher is the best medicine.

So, when was the last time you had a good laugh on yourself?

Toastmaster of the Evening, fellow toastmasters and guests. Good evening.

-taken from my Basic Speech Project #5-

The Driver’s Seat

2008-09-10T10:44:00.000+08:00

(Sing a stanza of Lea Salonga’s “The Journey”)
“What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way”

Fellow Toastmasters and Guests, good evening.

Robert Fulghum, author of “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden” said in his book that all he really need to know about HOW TO LIVE and WHAT TO DO and HOW TO BE he learned in kindergarden. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.

Among the things he learned are:
• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Makes perfect sense, huh?

Well for me, I picked up bits and pieces of wisdom about life from sitting in the driver’s seat.
I learned to drive formally through a driving institute the same year that I graduated from high school, and informally, through my dad who had accompanied me on my test drives. But I officially learned to drive independently when I entered school around six years back because of the obvious convenience of mobility. It was a major breakthrough for me and looking back now, I’m glad I did that because it had taught me some valuable lessons in life and helped me cope with life’s challenges.

It was while I was driving that I encountered several “aha!” moments and I’d like to share a few with you:

1st: OBSERVE TRAFFIC RULES.

The traffic lights system was designed to promote order on the road. The rule is simple – GO when you see GREEN, STOP when you see RED, and PREPARE TO STOP when you see YELLOW. But do we really interpret is as how it was meant to be interpreted? Does seeing the warning YELLOW light trigger us to SLOW DOWN or actually SPEED UP? Some people choose to interpret it depending on their moods. They go faster when they are running late on their appointments and tend slow down when they are not in a rush. Yes, I am guilty of this on few accounts and not surprisingly, I don’t get away with it 100% scot-free. I occasionally miscalculate the timing of the changing of the lights and find myself getting flagged down by the men in pink. Thus goes the lengthy process of explaining and justifying my actions to authority. Definitely not an experience I’d like to relish. But isn’t it just like life? Sometimes you see potential trouble ahead, warning signs are everywhere and yet you still chose to do things your way instead of following basic instructions.

2nd: TAKE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.

Sometimes, the long cut is actually a short cut.

There was a time when I went home regularly at around ten-thirty-ish for four straight Wednesdays coming from Makati. I live in Manila near UST area and coming from Vito Cruz Extension, my favorite route home was to turn right to South Superhighway and go all the way to Nagtahan flyover. Why? Well because there are occasions that I reach home in 20-25 minutes with this route especially when I do fly-driving.

However, during those particular Wednesday evenings, because of the truck ban that had been lifted, I find myself contending with the trucks for road domination in my favorite route. Movement is at a painstakingly slow turtle-like pace and it can take me forever to reach home. My alternative route was to take Vito Cruz going to Taft because despite the presence of traffic lights in several intersections, there are no mean, nasty trucks hovering over you! But this realization to take a detour often comes out quite late…it only strikes me only after I’ve made a turn to South Superhighway.

So lesson to be learned, one should be dynamic enough to adapt to according to the road condition. Take the road less traveled. The additional kilometers may actually get you home faster.

3rd: SIGNAL BEFORE CHANGING LANES.

It is infinitely frustrating when a jeepney suddenly cuts you off when you are just peacefully sticking to your own lane. It is a gross disrespect!

Just like in relationships or at work, communication is essential. Whenever you know that a certain change or action would potentially affect others, have the decency and common courtesy to warn people ahead of time.

Thus, when I drive, I always glance at the rearview mirror, check for a safe distance of the next car on the lane I’m moving to, switch on my signal lights, before changing lanes. I don’t want to be the cause for casualty nor become a casualty myself. As they say, “casualness breed casualty”.

Fulghum may have found his wisdom in kindergarden but since I was a late bloomer, I had found mine when I started sitting in the driver’s seat.

(con’t) “When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in
What a journey it has been”

Toastmaster of the Evening, fellow toastmasters and guests. Good evening.

-taken from my Basic Speech Project #4-

My Peace of Mind

2008-09-10T10:39:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fellow Toastmasters and Guests, good evening.

“What do you want most out of life?”

This is the icebreaker question that I’ve heard for countless times during the orientation session of a certain seminar company that offers leadership success seminars.

I am a proud graduate of the PSI seminars and each time I attend their coffee orientation with a guest, I am asked to introduce myself with this seemingly simple question. Interestingly enough, my answer varies every time. It goes something like this - “I want to travel the world” or “I want to be financially free” or “I want realize my full potential”. But after a few more visits, my answer has evolved to something more concise. I would reply: “What I want most out of life is to have peace of mind”.

What exactly is “peace of mind”? Is this something that only the elderly and dying pursue? Certainly not. I’d be willing to bet that each one of you in this room had given this concept some serious thinking at least once in your life, especially during your most challenged times.
In the horror flicks, “peace of mind” to the main character could mean being able to sleep peacefully at night. In Lion King, it is best described in two words “Hakuna Matata”, meaning no worries. In wikipedia, “peace of mind” is defined as absence of mental stress or anxiety, and simply put, inner peace.

In the PSI seminars, “peace of mind” means having balance in the 4 dimensions of man --PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, and SPIRITUAL -- thereby achieving success. It is illustrated through the Peace of Mind square wherein each side represents one dimension.

• PHYSICAL pertains to HEALTH. When you are not tied to a dextrose and you have the strength to attend a Toastmasters meeting, then you could safely say that you are healthy.
• EMOTIONAL pertains to PERFECT SELF-EXPRESSION. That is, your facial muscles are consistent with what you are feeling. You laugh when you’re happy, you frown when you’re sad, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say.
• MENTAL pertains to WEALTH, both tangible such as money and intangible such as knowledge, skills, or talents.
• SPIRITUAL pertains to AGAPE or UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I’d say that delivering a speech in Toastmasters is an act of agape in itself because you share a part of yourself to virtual strangers even if you run the risk of being judged.

I have since then adopted PSI’s definition of peace of mind. Now I wish to share five techniques on how to achieve this state.

1st, KEEP YOUR COMMITMENTS. This involves being consistent in thoughts, words, and deeds. Deliver what you’ve committed or else, a little voice at the back of your head will nag you until you take action. You see, everytime you ignore that little voice, you are actually deducting points from your self-esteem scale.

Being on time for your appointments is one way of keeping your commitments. It also a sign of respect for other people’s time.

2nd, DELAY GRATIFICATION. I recall a Chinese idiom that my Grade 5 Chinese teacher taught us -- “Xien Ku Hou Le”. It literally means, “First Bitter, Last Happiness”. Loosely translated, it means delaying gratification. Fight the urge to give in to instant pleasures, pause for a while, and reflect how a certain action would affect you tomorrow.

Allow me to relate this to Toastmasters context. In all honesty, I would rather sit down and observe people deliver speeches because it’s less stressful that way. But I also know that if I keep postponing the delivery of my speech projects, the year would have ended without me making any progress at all and I would have thrown away a perfectly good opportunity to further advance my learning on public speaking. So here I am.

3rd, FILL ANOTHER PERSON’S BUCKET. In the book entitled “How Full Is Your Bucket” by Tom Rath and Don Clifton, the metaphor of a “dipper and a bucket” was used to suggest that each person carries an invisible bucket of emotions, along with a dipper, which they can use to either add to other people’s buckets or to dip from them. Their research contends that filling someone else’s bucket benefits both parties – the person who gives the praise and the person who receives it.

Providing constructive evaluation for a newbie’s icebreaker speech is a perfect example of filling another person’s bucket. This results to the speaker feeling good and motivated to proceed to his next speech project. The evaluator also feels equally good for having “made” that person’s day.

4th, DECLUTTER. Clutter is a manifestation of procrastination. It exists because we’ve either put off making a decision about something, or because we’ve managed to make the decision but have not yet taken action.

Procrastination drains us of purposeful energy. Thus, it feels so liberating and exhilarating to declutter. By cleaning up our physical mess, we say goodbye to the negative energy and welcome the good vibes. The space we create encourages mental clarity.

And so I have also started the ultra-distasteful task of cleaning up my rather messy room. This involves putting away outdated magazines and travel brochures, consolidating important documents scattered here and there, and repositioning some pieces of furniture. I am glad though because it shows that I’m ready let go of my past baggage and embrace new possibilities.

5th, MEDITATE. Empty your mind from time to time whenever you feel stressed. Visualize yourself in a peaceful quiet scene in nature and relax your entire body. “Inhale vitality, exhale tension” as the Yogilates intructor at Slimmers would put it. Cast out your worries and refill them with positive and inspiring thoughts. Repeat this process as often as you can and you’ll find that peace of mind comes by easily.

So how can you tell when you’re achieved peace of mind? Well, you’ll know it because you become CLEAR more and CONFUSED less, you LAUGH more and FROWN less, you BELIEVE more and DOUBT less, you ACT more and PONDER less, and you TRUST more and WORRY less. I challenge everyone to practice these techniques in order to attain what some people may consider as the thing that they want most of out life.

Madam Toastmasters, fellow toastmasters and guests, good evening.

-taken from my Basic Speech Project #3-

Letting go

2008-08-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

Letting go is easier said than done.

Last July 16, I let go of an opportunity to staff Basic even if I was already standing by the doorstep and all it took was to take a smal step forward and I'm in but I didn't because the meetings would take away my time and concentration that was supposed to be used for jobhunting.

Last July 18, I let go of notions of becoming a full time entrepreneur and freelance worker in favor of jobhunting, even if I have invested 7 consecutive Wednesdays in character formation workshops and have been inducted as a member of that organization. I finally humbled myself to meet up with a relative who was kind enough to consider hiring me.

Last July 20, I let go of an opportunity to staff Heroic because it would mean having to file a week-long leave from my future employer. I didn't want to get into a "leave" debt from my would-be boss even before I started "producing". It would also been rushing from an out-of-town venue on the last day to be able to get to my good friend's wedding ceremony on time.

Last July 25, I let go of an opportunity to work at a relative's business that was supposed to start on Aug. 1 because it wasn't paying as well as my past two jobs even if I badly needed a job. I didn't think that settling for just any job was a manifestation of my greatness and a good use of what I'm fully capable of.

Last July 31, I let go of an opportunity to join the Mid-Year Toastmasters' Convention in Bacolod because it was a want, not a need. I thought for once, I should not rush into "collecting" another experience that I may not immediately benefit from at the expense of something I should be doing, where I can immediately benefit from (i.e. jobhunting...again).

Do you know? I struggle everytime I let go. Painfully, I let go. I cry each time, sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of self-pity. I hate myself for putting myself into this situation because of my folly in my previous job.

Am I crazy? I hope not.

Perhaps something good would come out of letting go, because it means I am gradually learning what is essential to me. It means I am gradually recognizing that certain opportunities have proper timings associated and rushing into something without wholehearted physical and mental preparation would only jeopardize things further, with myself and my pride as the biggest casualties.

I think I am regaining my sanity. For a slow decision-maker like me, I am finally making some wise decisions of which I know I will benefit from in the long run.

Oprah said...doubt means don't. My buddy said so too. I believe them. Because I attain peace of mind each time I follow my inner conscience. I learn that I struggle whenever something wrong is battling with something right. Inevitable, something right will prevail when I am on purpose.

The Trip That Kills

2008-08-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

I have been in a perpetual state of depression since I resigned from my job. That was 6 months ago.

Perpetual sounds like a long time. Like forever. It actually is.

So what is it that I wanted to say?

Being the analyst that I am, I would like to analyze what depression is to me.

Depression is...

Waking up each morning hating myself for not having a real steady job.
Hating myself for taking character formation seminars on entrepreneurship, "graduating", only to find to out that I'm not yet ready to venture into the world of entrepreneurship.
Hating myself whenever somebody asks me where I'm working now or what I'm doing now and I have no choice but to answer the truth, that "I'm a bum" or "I'm out of work".
Hating myself for not being spiritual.
Being cranky everyday the whole day.
Hating myself for overstaying at home.
Hating myself for finding out that my vitals organs are each getting weaker by the day.
Hating myself for sabotaging my health further by eating irresponsibly but for short term pleasures.
Hating that person who changed my world by not trusting me enough.
Hating myself for not being able to forgive and forget.
Hating myself for having to experience the statement in "Don't Quit", "when the funds are low and the debts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh".
Hating myself for being financial scarce.
Hating myself for being too idealistic.
Hating myself for being stubborn.
Hating myself for going back to my pessimistic, self-defeating self.

Hate is such a strong word. It kills. It is killing me softly each and everyday. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to all the positive, feel-good seminars that I've invested in when I was still with excess funds? Whatever happened to all the meditation, nature trip activities I've experienced? Whatever happened to my friends from different organizations? Whatever happened to all my explorations?

I'm tired. I just want to sleep. In fact, I kept on sleeping to forget everything. I do but then when I wake up, all my troubles are still present.

I started turning in to a classical radio station in iTunes...somehow I got relaxed. Relax...relax...gotta ground myself...gotta find my peace...gotta find my happiness...gotta move forward...gotta face my problems...gotta face reality...gotta pick up to where I left...gotta drink water to quench my thirst and cleanse my body...gotta be considerate to people...gotta stop blaming myself for my irrationality...gotta love myself once again...gotta smile back as i face the mirror...gotta forgive myself for not being effective at work...gotta be patient with finding the right job...gotta take one day at a time...gotta show more love to people around me...gotta be more sensitive to the needs of others...gotta leave my own self-destructive word...

I am suddenly reminded of a mass song that we used to sing way back in grade school... I searched for the full lyrics and pasted them...

"A Place In The Sun"

Like a long lonely stream
I keep runnin' towards a dream
Movin' on, movin' on
Like a branch on a tree
I keep reachin' to be free
Movin' on, movin' on

'Cause there's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun

Like an old dusty road
I get weary from the load
Movin' on, movin' on
Like this tired troubled earth
I've been rollin' since my birth
Movin' on, movin' on

There's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun

You know when times are bad
And you're feeling sad
I want you to always remember

Yes, there's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone...

I must visit the gym tomorrow...which is actually today already.

I need to do some physical activity to keep the depression away.

Good night!

Of Scarcity and Abundance

2008-07-08T13:18:00.000+08:00

In watching the movie documentary of “The Secret”, I came across a powerful quotation from Albert Einstein. He said: “In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity.” I would like to make my own version of this quote and it goes like this: “In the midst of scarcity lies abundance.”

It has been a little over 5 months since the saga of my bumhood began. Since I left the corporate world in February this year, my finances have dwindled, my material resources have been stretched along with my sanity. I have been submerged into a deep well of scarcity. Merriam Webster defines scarcity as being “deficient in quantity and number compared with the demand” or simply put, “not plentiful or abundant”.

What are telltale signs of material scarcity? Allow me to enumerate…

You know you are scarce when...

• You think twice in attending weekend gimmicks with barkadas because an enjoyable, relaxing evening of chat and entertainment requires shelling out not less than P500.
• You'd rather not be invited to wedding receptions and baby showers of your peers in order to save on the gift money.
• You wince whenever you pay for a full tank gas. If gas prices were not increasing by the week, you would rather just spend a few hundreds to allow you to reach your next destination.
• You sweat profusely in front of the ATM machine and have a stupefied look on your face whenever you make cash withdrawals to pay for your phone bills and other basic necessities. Why? The numbers just keep on decreasing.
• You begin tracking your daily expenses upto the last cent.
• Whenever people compliment you for having lost weight, you tell them that you went on a diet (which is just a half truth). In reality, you ate less in order to spend less.
• You choose to walk 15 minutes to the nearest LRT station, take the jeep, bus, or FX, instead of enjoying the comforts of driving an air-conditioned car.
• You'd rather order plain ice water for your drinks instead of a smoothie, shake, or fruit juice that you use to order when you still had a steady stream of income. You prefer to order simpler meals like fresh lumpia over a full coursed steak meal.
• You haggle for a discount with your suki dentist after he patches up a hole in your molar and request to defer treatments of other minor dental defects till next time because this time you have to pay for your own bill whereas before, you can readily charge it to your company HMO card.
• You think twice about adding another book to your existing collection at home. You make a vow to finish reading at least 90% of the books before getting a new title.
• You think twice before enrolling in any more self-help or educational seminars on topics you're genuinely interested on but would probably not serve any immediate purpose in terms of putting money into to your pocket.
• You have the gall to seek medical advise from your doctor friend for minor bodily discomforts in order to save on the professional fee. Of course, you promised to treat her to a nice meal next time when able.
• You have deferred your dreams of travelling to a new place internationally at least once a year and domestically at least twice every year, until such time that the sun is shining more brightly at your finances.
• You have developed the habit of asking people if they have a secondary Sun cell no. so that you can make the most of unlimited Sun-to-Sun texting.
• You become creative in composing cryptic text messages to minimize the no. of SMS transactions.
• You have revived your membership at a local video shop for VCD and DVD movie rentals so that you get to watch more for less.
• You begin to graciously accept meals or merienda treats from your friends whereas before you would prefer dutch treat or even offer to foot the bill.
• You have transformed into a home buddy because you get to eat all three meals at home for free.

Note: Replace "You" with "I", "your" with "my", "yours" with "mine".

WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING SCARCE

• FRUGALITY & FINANCIAL PRUDENCE
I became more aware of my lifestyle expenses and learned how to say no to certain social functions that do not have any real value to me except for mindless entertainment. I have learned to become a smart spender.

• HEALTH BENEFITS
By commuting, I get to walk more and hence, exercise for free.
By choosing to drink plain water and eating healthier lower-cost food, I am doing my digestive system, liver, and kidneys a big favor.

• NEGOTIATION
I learned to negotiate for lower costs instead of paying for whatever is the initial quoted price.

• CREATIVITY & RESOURCEFULNESS
I learned to fully utilize my existing resources and put them into good use instead of acquiring more that I do not really need at the moment.

• DELAY GRATIFICATION
I have learned to focus on the essentials and delay gratification in my pleasure travels.

• APPRECIATION OF SIMPLE BLESSINGS
I have learned to appreciate being treated for a meal because it means I can set aside the money saved for a future meal. I also learned not to take for granted the home-cooked

SHIFTING TO ABUNDANCE THINKING

“What you think and what you feel and what actually manifests is ALWAYS a match - no exception.” From The Secret

I would like to share techniques of how to shift to abundance thinking.

a. Develop a spirit of gratitude – It is said that “Whatever we think about and thank about, we bring about.”

Engage in a friendly verbal competition with a supportive friend. Outdo each other with short exchanges of things you are grateful of, no matter how simple they may be. It goes something like this “I am thankful that even if I’m jobless, I can still treat myself to my favorite dessert of halo-halo at Chowking.” “I am thankful that despite my not being able to shop for new clothes, I still have an ample supply of decent clothes to wear from my previous shopping sprees.”

If you have an inclination towards writing, you could come up with a GRATITUDE JOURNAL. Everyday, spend 15 to 30 minutes in writing about the small things that you appreciate in life. You’ll begin to appreciate more the things you do have, instead of the things you don’t. Best of all, it virtually costs nothing. You just need a pen and a notebook. This can even lift you out of depression.

b. Visualize

Create a VISION BOARD or TREASURE MAP. Put pictures of what you want to attract and every day look at it and get into the feeling state of already having acquired these wants.
Changing a pattern of thinking requires repetition and emotional involvement. The act of cutting out pictures of things that you’d like to have from a magazine and pasting them to an illustration board or cartolina requires emotional involvement. Looking at the finished product every day entails repetition. The simple activity of creating a vision board helps shift your thought pattern, allowing you to attract that things that you want.

Truly, in the midst of scarcity lies abundance. When you have less, you learn to appreciate more. You learn to more practical and you learn to work within your resources and use what you have. I would like to challenge everyone to always be in gratitude because it is in being grateful that we attract abundance.

What I remember from the Personal Leadership Effectiveness Seminars

2007-11-07T01:20:00.000+08:00

I am a sucker for seminars. In fact, you may call me a "seminarian", not in the religious context, but rather, a term I would use to describe "a lover of seminars".

I got addicted to them since I took my first PSI Basic seminar in Sept. 2004. Since I started taking PSI Basic, I continued on with all other series from the same organization and also from the "other" organization...OCCI. After the Basic, I took my Heroic, and then ALC, LEAP. I have staffed FLEX, ALC, Heroic and have plans to staff to coach in LEAP and possibly take Shooters in the future.

I guess this is my means of understanding myself better. Funny how I have to shell out good money to buy pricey nice-covered self-help books, dedicate some precious weekends, and invest quite a fortune to enroll in the so-called personal leadership seminars just to understand myself, accept myself, and just be myself.

Shouldn't this be common sense? No it's not. At least not for me. I am a person who needs to have everything spelled out for me. It is rather embarrassing to have to admit to such a self-defeating remark but then that's the way I am and I just have to accept it.

Anyway, enough of the intro. I just would like to put into writing, the thoughts that have been inhabiting my thoughts for quite some time no. It leaves the recesses of my mind and then returns. Thus, I'm finally giving it an outlet.

What I remember from the Personal Leadership Effectiveness Seminars:

PSI

Statements…

“Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
“Today is the last day of the rest of my life.”
“Vote black.”

Songs…

“With all your heart, I know you can do anything…with a little faith, you can reach right up to the highest star. There’s no mountain you can’t climb, just look inside your heart you’ll find the strength inside, all you have to do is try with all your heart.”

“Straight as the arrow flies, I will run towards the finish line. With all the strength I found, my feet will touch the ground, I will scale the heights if I believe the wings of faith will carry me. I’ll go the distance just to reach the arms I’m running to. I’ll go the extra mile for you.”

OCCI

Statements…

“Every moment is a moment of choice.”
“So, what now?”
Smokescreen: “My way, highway.” “I’m not good enough.” “Less than!”

Songs…

“Some dreams live on in time forever. Those dreams you want with all your heart. And I’ll do whatever it takes, follow through with the promise I make. Put it all on the line, what I hope for at last will be mine. If I could reach higher, just for one moment touch the sky, from that one moment in my life, I’m gonna be stronger. Know that I’ve tried my very best, I put my spirit to the test, if I could reach.”

“Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes: and leap! It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity. And you can't pull me down!”

“We were strangers on a crazy adventure. Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true. Now here we stand, unafraid of the future, at the beginning with you. And life is a road that I wanna keep going. Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing. Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey. I’ll be there when the world stops turning. I’ll be there when the storm is through. In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you."

Checkpoint 2007

2007-11-06T07:42:00.000+08:00

I realize that my last blog was written nearly a year ago. Now that 2007 is about to end, I think it's just but apt for me to do a recap of where I've been vs. where I'd like myself to be.

Yes, I still love orange but I have developed a fondness for yellow green.
Yes, I stilI love being called "creative" and "artist".
Yes, I still love dirty ice cream.
Yes, I still fancy doing business travel in the past and now I AM doing business travel. Malaysia being my first but will definitely not be my last.
Yes, I still love immersing in a different culture.
Yes, I stilI love making new friends. Colleagues for starters.
Yes, I still love books, especially inspirational, spiritual, psychology, and new age. I especially like Julia Cameron, SARK, Louise Hay, and Paolo Coelho.
Yes, I still love Celine Dion and Josh Groban music but probably more on the latter. I also like Maksim Mrvica piano instrumentals.
Yes, I am still a deep thinker but can also shallow at times when I get tired of thinking.
Yes, I still appreciate good humour but also appreciate being a bit more serious about life.
Yes, I can still crack out-of-this-world jokes.
Yes, I still admire fellow women who are smart, gutsy, independent, and straight to the point. I have two new workmates whom I consider as such.
Yes, I still love musicals and plays but no longer have time to enjoy this type of pleasure.
Yes, I still and will always love travel, esp. in foreign land. My goal to visit at least one new country and one new local place every year will not change. I still like to visit Europe and Africa someday, I am saving for it, but I've recently added Australia to the list. Bottomline is I'd like to visit another continent.
Yes, I am insightful but not everyone may appreciate it.
Yes, I am a thoughtful person but have not been consistently thoughtful. I can be incredibly insensitive at times.
Yes, I love a good adventure but my figure is preventing me from enjoying it.
Yes, I can be both good and bad at the same time. Everyone has a dark side. It's upto us to find the balance.

New on my list:
I find Cantonese language cool. I find great joy in listening to my cousins in HK chat away in their native language. I have also resumed watching modern HK TV series in the original Cantonese language, with and without Mandarin subtitles.
I have started to become proud of my Chinese heritage but am perfectly comfortable in the company of my Filipino friends and acquaintances. It's not exactly what my mom (who has essentially a traditional mindset) would agree to but that's the way it is. I am actually trying to challenge my own "racial meter".
I cannot imagine myself having a boyfriend yet because I do not consider myself a girlfriend material at the moment. People I know are getting married and having kids, or having kids then getting married. I didn't think I would be able to accept such imperfection had this been during my college years but times have changed and you'll just have to accept people as they are.
I love singing along and moving my body to the rhythm of music.

What I'd like to have but still am still working on w/o a deadline are:
-acceptance, abundance, clarity, decisiveness, self-security, self-love, a healthy lifestyle, trust, spontaneity, optimism, character, consistency, self-discipline to focus on the essentials.

My major roadblock is obesity. I had allowed it to happen and I must take responsibility and find a way to conquer it. Otherwise I cannot move forward.

Personal Clarity: What I Know For Sure

2007-01-15T01:13:00.000+08:00

What I know for sure - phrase borrowed from Oprah's accompanying inspirational booklet for her April 2004 Anniversary Edition of O Magazine.

Here's my own version.

What I know for sure is that...

I love orange.
I love being called "creative" and "artist".
I love dirty ice cream.
I fancy doing business travel.
I love immersing in a different culture.
I love making new friends.
I love books, especially inspirational, spiritual, psychology, and new age.
I love Celine Dion and Josh Groban music.
I am a deep thinker.
I am appreciate good humour.
I can crack out-of-this-world jokes.
I admire fellow women who are smart, gutsy, independent, and straight to the point.
I love musicals and plays.
I love travel, esp. in foreign land.
I like to visit Europe and Africa someday.
I am insightful.
I am a thoughtful person.
I love a good adventure.
I can be both good and bad at the same time.

What I'd like to have is...

acceptance
abundance
clarity
decisiveness
self-security
self-love
a healthy lifestyle
trust
spontaneity
optimism
character-consistency
self-discipline
to focus on the essentials
to maintain a number of meaningful friendships
fulfill my dreams

I'm your Angel of Music

2005-02-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, a good friend/colleague/grad school classmate invited me to watch "The Phantom of the Opera" after work. Well, it was a movie version rather than a live play onstage but I guess that's the closest yet more affordable way for me to enjoy the show I've been meaning to watch it since I first heard of the soundtrack way back in high school.

You see, my brother had borrowed the cassette tape (double) from his highschool classmate. Since my bro and I are 5 years apart, that means I was still in elementary that time. That was more than 10 years ago already. Ah...closure finally.... ;)

I never really thought I would develop a deep appreciation for theatrical plays and musicals, but I guess, people's tastes evolve as time goes by.

My first musical was RENT, and it was really good. I watched it in December 2002 (if I'm not mistaken) upon the insistence of my college orgmates. I had initially refused to shell out more than twice the amount I pay for entertainment I can get from the big screen. But then again, the entertainment you get from a "live" show is really something. You can feel the ENERGY emanating from the actors. They perform live. There are no retakes once they're onstage. That's what makes it exciting. It gives you a kind of HIGH when you're watching it, something you can't get from simply watching a movie. So, looking back, I'm really glad I did try watching the musical and since then, I've been watching plays and musicals by Repertory Philippines and Trumpets. I didn't realize that Filipinos had so much talent. (Being Fil-Chi, I grew up in a very traditional Chinese family and studied in an all-Chinese elementary and highschool so I didn't really have much exposure with Filipino culture until during and after college.)

So, going back to Phantom of the Opera...I was really hooked to the songs in the movie...lyrics of "The Music of the Night", "Think of Me" kept on playing back in my mind. I thought to myself I had to get a copy of the soundtrack...and so I did, one day after, for P395. So now, I'm been playing the songs over and over in my PC while writing this blog. =P

So there. Gotta get back to my strama paper. I'd like to thank that friend also for inviting me to the movie. =)

"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams! Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before! Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar! And you'll live as you've never lived before..."

Editorial: Rebirth

2005-02-21T09:12:00.000+08:00

Today, I decided to delete all my previous posts (5 of them) which I've made since June 10 last year. I scanned through them and realized they were so self-destructive that I couldn't bring myself to write anything else following those...

Negativity is so energy draining. It eats up my consciousness, leaving me weak, helpless and at an all-time low.

I decided I should at least attempt to bring about a healthy balance in the thoughts I express. This way, both sides of the story can be seen. Both sides of the coin can be explored. Besides, life is about ups and downs. It's no fun writing about all downs. Some people say that when you're down, there's no way to go but up. So, I'll try my best to write about the UP part that I look forward to whenever I find myself inevitably going DOWN...

So dear chance readers...I hope that you may learn something from my posts...or at least relate to it a bit...even if you don't find them particularly entertaining. =)

This is my REBIRTH. This is my commitment. This is ME.

-Orangekiwi